“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening
when you would rather have talked.” 
~ Mark Twain

We love this quote from Mark Twain as it reminds us of a core truth – one must listen fully and completely to gain wisdom and perspective. And, wisdom and perspective can help us create more meaningful lives, more success in our service to others and to our work, and more impact in our worlds.

Unfortunately, listening isn’t as natural or as easy as most of us would like.

Day-to-day, many of us feel that we need to perform . . . we need to demonstrate our skill in our jobs, our competence as parents, our confidence in our own opinions. It can seem necessary to talk, and talk a lot, to convey our expertise to others.

While demonstrating competence does matter, demonstrating wisdom and perspective creates trust in who you are as a person and a leader, and lets people know there’s more to you than “the show” . . . something deeper and more authentic.

People want to be around and to follow authentic, wise leaders.

So how do you grow in your ability to listen deeply?

  • It takes self-control and patience to listen fully and well. 

When we coach leaders to listen well, we’re coaching them to slow themselves down and be open to the information they’re hearing. Many of us have noticed that as soon as someone starts talking we start planning what we are going to say in response – before they’ve even finished a sentence!

  • It takes decreasing your reactivity to listen fully and well.

Many leaders describe their fear of listening, telling us that they fear that they’ll hear something they don’t want to hear or something that challenges their sense of competence. They describe getting caught in reacting versus responding like the leader they want to be. 

We remind them of the Pause – taking that moment to ask yourself, “Is what I’m about to say or do in alignment with my goals?” 

If your goal is to listen fully and well, pausing will be a game changer.

  • It takes growing your curiosity about others’ experiences and perspectives to listen fully and well.

In our culture, many people believe that they must always know the answer.

That being an adult is having an answer to pretty much any problem that crosses their path.  

We remind our clients that people who are curious and passionate about learning with and from others often have the most success. 

This is for (at least) two reasons:  When you’re curious about others’ experiences and thoughts, they feel valued and it increases the sense of connection and camaraderie and you’ll learn things about people, their lives, the world, and even content that you would never have learned otherwise.

Wisdom is, indeed, the reward you get from listening with openness, managing your reactivity, and leading with curiosity about others’ experiences and thoughts. 

Next week, we’re going to explore questions. A great question can lead you into profoundly meaningful and helpful conversations.  

Stay tuned!

- Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

If you’d like support in showing up as a wise leader, 
contact us today about our new women’s groups. 
 
 

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YOU MATTER

 

Last week brought the stunning loss of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain by suicide. We know that there is pain in everyone’s life – some more visible than others.

So we want to take a moment to remind you that,

You matter in this world.

 

Take a moment to think about your life and how you treat yourself as you go through your moments, days, weeks, and months.

You matter because you are YOU.  

 

Your moments matter and if you’re going to matter in your own life, it’s important that you pay attention to your moments.

You matter because when you lean in to make a difference in the world, we are all better for it.

The world needs you.

So, the world needs you to matter to yourself.

It needs you to respect who you are and where you are right now—even if your goal is to be somewhere else in your life. To honor the contribution you make while committing to doing things to get you to new opportunities to do more. To respect your need for rest, silence, connection, and love.

Your family & friends need you.

Pay attention to treating yourself like you matter in this world because we know you do.

  • When you’re successful, acknowledge it to yourself. And when you feel afraid, lonely, unsettled, or stupid—acknowledge that too. And acknowledge it with the gentleness you would offer someone you love deeply.
    • Hold yourself in high regard and say to yourself, “I can see that you’re afraid or feel stupid and I’m sorry. It’s hard. And, you matter. You will move through this.”
  • Take care of your basic needs. Pay attention to your hunger and thirst. Go to the bathroom when you need to go to the bathroom (seriously). Slow your pace and breathe as you walk down the hall.
    • It’s truly stunning the number of people who ignore their basic needs throughout the day.
    • If you matter, your needs matter.
  • Get a notebook, use your phone, tear off a few scraps of paper, and on and off throughout the day write down the things you’re doing well. The things you are proud of. The things you didn’t think you’d do but did. They don’t have to be big or in any way meaningful to anyone else.
    • For us, they are sometimes getting out of bed after a crazy, personally challenging week, not snapping at a colleague who pushes our buttons, or staying present in a meeting that was tedious and boring.
    • Notice yourself and what you do well.
  • Look for small ways to give yourself a treat—just because. Not a reward but a treat for being in this life and mattering in this life.
    • A few minutes on a deck overlooking a river near your office, 5 minutes to taste that latte you just bought, listening to the birds, noticing the clouds, laughing with a co-worker, hugging your partner or kids just a bit longer.
  • Find ways to laugh. With others would be best, but if that’s not possible, watch a Saturday Night Live routine that always makes you laugh, watch a show that’s funny and charming, join a group that plays well together, create a game night with friends.
    • When you laugh, you remember yourself and can gain perspective.
    • You matter enough in that moment to soften.

You need you.

We want to remind you to matter to yourself and to love yourself. To help support you, we’ve created a worksheet to help you remember. Click here for the worksheet.

Please, please, please, if you’re worried about yourself as you read this, reach out to someone for support, call a therapist, or talk to a coach. If you feel suicidal, get to an emergency room, call a suicide hotline, or ask someone to stay with you until you can get support.

Hugs to you,
Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

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What To Do if Your New Boss Is Horrible

We recently had a conversation with a client who was feeling disheartened at work.

He had a long history with his organization and had, for many years, loved working there. He was invested in their mission and wanted to contribute to business success. He had a great deal of respect for the leadership team and felt valued and appreciated for his contributions.

Then it all changed.

About six months ago the organization hired a new COO (who our client reported to directly). Shortly after this new COO arrived, the feeling in the office started to change.

Our client described a range of concerning behaviors of the COO including mocking team members who spoke up in meetings, insulting the work of others, and pitting colleagues against one another when decisions needed to be made.

He said that every time the COO was around, people in the office got silent and tried to avoid being the one to get insulted. Our client’s job went from something he loved to something he dreaded, and he was lost about what to do.

While we’d like to say that we gave him three easy steps and it all turned around – that’s not the way these things go. We did give him three steps though – to assess if he could stay in the organization or if he needed to start looking for a new job.

This is what we suggested to him and what we’d suggest to you if you find yourself in a similar situation:

  1. If you believe there is a chance that you can have some influence with this person, ask if he/she is open to some feedback.
    • To increase the chance of a successful conversation, pause and think about your triggers and triggers they may have. Work to stay focused on the problem vs. the person. “I have seen you struggle to get alignment behind your ideas, perhaps if you . . . “ rather than “When you do this . . . “
    • Try to stay open and non-defensive.
    • If you don’t feel safe doing this, skip to #2.
  2. If that fails (or you don’t feel safe having the conversation), document the incidents and identify the patterns.
    • Start by making a list of all the things the challenging individual is doing.
    • Look for the 3 – 5 patterns that are most challenging and have the greatest negative impact on the organization.
    • You’ll always have more power if you highlight the negative consequences to the organization vs. focusing on your pain or the pain of your peers.
  3. Identify and meet with 1 – 3 people in leadership who you believe will value your perspective on what’s going on. Consider your HR leader as well as others you’ve worked with successfully on the leadership team.
    • Meet one-on-one and share your concerns about the potential damage to the organization and your uncertainty about how to proceed. Then ask for their guidance and support.
    • Stay calm and clear as you share your perspective.
    • Give one or two examples and let the person know similar kinds of things are happening to others.
    • Stay focused on the potential for damage to the organization.

When the person you’re working for becomes a significant problem to the success of the organization, you’re walking a bit of a tightrope – you have to balance the fact that you need to respect your boss’s role even if you don’t respect his or her behavior.

It’s important that you take these steps slowly and you trust your instincts. If you don’t feel safe, don’t share your experiences. Trust your gut.

At the same time, you may want to put together a resume and start to share with friends and colleagues that you’re considering leaving.

Living through this kind of experience is painful, scary, and diminishing – make sure you are caring for yourself as you go through this.

We’re here for you!

– Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

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Memorial Day


In the United States of America, the last Monday in May is Memorial Day. While many of us consider Memorial Day the beginning of summer, it’s actually a Federal holiday to honor those who have died in military service.

We hope you’ll take some time today to remember the men and women who have died in service of our country. These soldiers were also parents and children and sisters and brothers and friends and colleagues as well.

We’re grateful to those men and women who serve and did serve our country.

This Memorial Day, we’d also encourage you to reflect on the people in your life, your work, and your world who give of themselves for the benefit of others. They exist in every country, city, and town across the globe.

Being of service, caring for others, going above and beyond on behalf of something important – that is the best of humanity. 

We hope you’ll take an opportunity to express your gratitude to the many people in your life who go above and beyond. Your recognition and gratitude matters.

In gratitude for all you do,

- Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

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Resilience

One of the most powerful skills we see in successful clients, colleagues, and friends, is the ability to pause. When you pause and determine how to respond instead of reacting to, pretty much, ANY situation that you face, you’re more likely to succeed.

Pausing is an important aspect of Resilience.

Being resilient is an advantage – in your work, your family, and your life. As you know, life throws us changes, pressures, and stressors that can be debilitating if you let them.

Resilience is the ability to adapt to these changes and stressors in order to have a productive life and a healthy you!

In Al Siebert’s book, “The Resiliency Advantage”, he explores the ways that you can increase your resilience. Despite what many people think, resilience isn’t a skill you’re born with, it’s a skill that you can (and should) develop – regardless of your age.

Pausing to control your emotional reactivity is the first step in our leadership model and it’s one of the first steps to increasing your resilience. The other important steps, as Al Siebert discusses in his book, include curiosity, paradoxical capabilities, and a synergistic attitude.

What does that really mean?

  • Pausing: Taking a moment to interrupt your emotional reaction to form a reasoned response.
  • Curiosity: Learning all you can about the situation so that you can solve the challenge you’re facing.
  • Paradoxical Capabilities: The ability to hold two opposing ideas or concepts at any one time.
  • Synergistic Attitude: Understanding that the sum of the pieces is greater than any individual piece.

In his book, Siebert states:
“Resilience is more important than ever in today’s world. The volatile and chaotic period we are going through will not end soon. To sustain a good life for yourself and your family, you must be much more resilient than people had to be in the past. People with resiliency skills have a significant advantage […]. In this world of life-disrupting, nonstop change:

  • Corporations with highly resilient employees have an advantage over their less resilient competitors.
  • During downsizing, a resilient worker with a wide range of skills has a better chance of being kept on.
  • When many people are applying for one job, a resilient person has a better chance of being hired.
  • When your old job skills are no longer needed, you are quick to learn a new way to earn an income.
  • During economic hardship, resilient people give their families a better chance of pulling through and bouncing back.
  • Resilient people help their communities get through hard times better.
  • Resiliency is crucial when there are the added challenges of physical injury or living through a terrorist attack.
  • A resilient person is best at making difficult situations work well.
  • Resilient people are less likely to become ill during difficult times.”

Resilience means that when hit with a stressor, you see it for what it is, you let yourself experience the loss or grief associated with it, you figure out how to cope with it, and then you figure out how to thrive in the face of it.

Take some time today to think about your resilience skill level and whether it could use a boost! Times are not going to get easier, so let’s make sure that you’ve got what it takes to deal with life as it happens.

We’re here for you

– Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

If you’d like support in stepping into your power and increasing your resilience, contact us today! Our Leadership Coaches can help.

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How to ACT with POWER

Last month we began a series on how to ACT with POWER, the third step in our Leader in You Framework.

Within our ACT with POWER framework, there are 5 critical actions that powerful leaders do to move forward on important issues and initiatives.

Over the past 5 weeks, we’ve talked about:

P = Possibility Mindset. You consider and engage your team in exploring the Possibilities inherent in the obstacles and challenges you face.

O = Ownership and Transparency. You take Ownership and Share why you care about the project you’re working on because you know others are more likely to work with you if they have a sense of you as a person.

W = We-Focused Goal Setting. You know you’ll be more powerful if you have We-Focused shared goals with the people you’re leading, for how to move the effort forward.

E = Enable Action. You work with your team to detail out the who, what, when, where, and how. Together you consider how to take action (and sometimes that action may be to sit tight).

R = Review and Refine. You schedule time for the team to assess what’s working, what’s not working, and make corrections as needed.

You may find yourself focused on one of the steps for a while until you and your team get there fully, and that’s just fine. Remember, it’s not a checklist, it’s a guide for how you can lead with action.

Here’s an example:

You just met with your boss and she gave you a big project. Now you need to go implement it with your team. Pretty common scenario, right?

You leave the room and are already starting to consider the Possibilities that are inherent in the challenges that will come up during the project. As you bring up the project with your team, you share what you’re thinking and also explore their thoughts on what’s possible to create success in this important project.

At the same time, you Own your commitment to the project and are transparent about the ways this can move the company forward and create a different level of credibility for the whole team.

This opens a discussion about the details of the project and you move into creating We-Focused Goals. As a team, you begin to map out a shared vision for how to move forward and then set clear goals for each member of the team.

This is all about buy-in. People can get on board if they feel they’ve had a hand in creating it. You share what your boss described as success and then together start to map out priorities, timelines, owners, ongoing metrics, and how you’ll work together and communicate over the course of the project.

Then you’re ready to Enable Action. You decided to have an official kick-off for this project since it’s so important. This is where you’ll shift from talking about goals to taking action on the steps you’ve agreed upon.

Often, it’s helpful to leave some time between these 2 actions so your team can digest what they’ve heard, identify questions they need answered, and get roles, communication structures, and accountabilities clear before moving forward.

As the team goes into action, you may also be going into action. In addition, as a leader, you’re enabling action and keeping an eye on what the team needs to clear the path for success.

Over the next few days, weeks, and months you’ll need to Review and Refine the plan regularly so that you’re able to:

    • Spot areas where you’re off plan.
    • Look for the possibilities inherent in the obstacles and challenges.
    • Continue to own success and share why it matters to you and engage your team in thinking about why it matters to them.
    • Create the next level of goals.
    • Enable refined action.
    • Continue having regular meetings to review and refine as the team moves forward.

At first, each of these actions seems like a separate step but as you start to move forward you’ll find that they become a web of actions that support you in succeeding.

Spend time this week using these steps to see if you and your team can get some of your projects on a successful path forward.

Your allies in success,

- Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

Whether you’re a new manager or an experienced leader, if you’re looking to create a more engaged team, our Executive Coaching can help.

Contact us today to learn how we can support you in buildinga motivated and future-focused team.

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Take Time for Some R & R

Last month we began a series on how to ACT with POWER, the third step in our Leader in You Framework.

Within our ACT with POWER framework, there are 5 critical actions that powerful leaders do to move forward on important issues and initiatives.

Over the past 4 weeks, we’ve talked about:

P = You consider and engage your team in exploring the Possibilities inherent in the obstacles and challenges you face.

O = You take Ownership and Share why the effort or success matters to you and explore why it would matter to your team.

W = You create We-Focused shared goals with the people you’re leading for how to move the effort forward.

E = You Enable Action. This means you work with your team to detail out the who, what, when, where, and how.

Today we’re covering the R which stands for Review and Refine (not rest and relax as you might have hoped!).

When you intentionally set time aside to review and refine your work, you’re giving yourself and your team time to assess what’s working and what’s not working.

Often, people who are new to leadership, think they can step in and lead once and be done. But in fact, leadership is a way of being in the world, an ongoing process of pausing, assessing what’s going on inside of you and inside of them, and then acting with power . . . and then doing it all again.

We mentioned in the last post, Enabling Action, that leadership is all about action but action for action’s sake, is not very effective.

Action needs to be in service of the goals for the organization, department, or team. Which is why the fifth action step is R – review and refine – so that you can determine what’s working, what’s not working, and how to refine your and your team’s efforts to be in the greatest service of the goals.

It is this step that distinguishes leadership from cheerleading. Many people get caught in believing that if they say nice things to the people they’re working with, they somehow will know exactly what’s needed to succeed.

Yet, what we’ve learned is that leaders must identify the ways that the team has contributed to success, efforts that have missed the mark, and how to focus future efforts to continue to make a difference.

As a leader and manager,
your job is to get a group of people working together
to get traction on multiple goals.

When you ACT with POWER you’ll be successful regardless of where you work – healthcare, marketing, government, manufacturing, retail, technology, etc.

This simple framework will support you in taking action that creates alignment within your team, engagement in creating success, and the ability to adjust using lessons learned.

This week, spend some time exploring how you can ACT with POWER, focusing on increasing your use of the R; reviewing and refining your efforts.

Next week we’ll do a case study that ties all 5 steps together so that you can see an example of what it looks like to ACT with POWER in leadership.

Your allies in success,
– Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

Whether you’re a new manager or an experienced leader, if you’re looking to create a more engaged team, our Executive Coaching can help.

Contact us today to learn how we can support you in building a motivated and future-focused team.

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Enable Action

A few weeks ago, we began a series on how to ACT with POWER.

Within our ACT with POWER framework, there are 5 critical actions that powerful leaders must do to move forward on important issues and initiatives.

Last week we looked at creating a shared vision with the W of the acronym POWER which stands for We-Focused Goal Setting and today we’re covering the E which stands for Enabling Action.

It’s interesting to think about the word “leader” because at its base is the word “lead,” which is defined as “the initiation of an action.” And, facilitating action is a central part of stepping into your leadership.

Leaders who see Possibilities inherent in the challenges they face, Own Success and communicate why the effort is important to them, and who create a We-Focused, shared vision, will still fail as leaders if they don’t Enable Action to facilitate movement towards the results they’re trying to make happen.

Leadership is about action – getting results, creating new ways of relating, moving towards a new future, and sometimes that action is deciding to sit tight and wait to assess the best timing for action (that’s still a conscious action!).

It’s not action for action’s sake but action on behalf of the goals of the organization, the department, the team, and the individuals you’re leading.

In looking at our example from last week, here’s how Enabling Action fits in:

P = You’re creating new workflow processes and you engage your team in exploring what’s Possible.

O = You take Ownership and Share why the effort or success matters to you and explore why it would matter to your team.

W = You create We-Focused Goals for how to move the effort forward.

E = You Enable Action. This means you work with your team to detail out the who, what, when, where, and how. For example, you create a schedule for how to move forward with clear action items and owners for each piece of the project.

As a leader – in all aspects of your life – you’ll always have more power and impact if you take the time to translate your ideas into action and to use your influence, authority, and relationships to enable action toward your goals.

This week reflect on the times you’ve successfully Enabled Action and those times when you either did nothing or took action just to move. Each of those experiences can teach you more about stepping into the Leader in You as you go forward.

Be sure to come back next week where we’ll cover the last step in ACT with POWER framework which is R = Review and Refine.

Your allies in success,
– Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

Whether you’re a new manager or an experienced leader, if you’re looking to create a more engaged team, our Executive Coaching can help.

Contact us today to learn how we can support you in building a motivated and future-focused team.

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Create a Shared Vision

Two weeks ago, we began a 5-week series on how to ACT with POWER, the third step in the Leader in You framework (download our overview of this framework here).

Within our ACT with POWER framework, there are 5 critical actions that powerful leaders must do to move forward on important issues and initiatives.

The first week, we focused on the P of the acronym POWER – which stands for Possibility Mindset. What we’ve seen over and over again is that the most successful leaders are always looking for the possibilities inherent in the obstacles and challenges they face.

Last week, we talked about the O, of the acronym POWER, which stands for Ownership & Transparency.

As a leader, once you’ve shifted into a Possibility Mindset, you can start to see ways to move that can create success. Then, you Own your role in moving forward on the effort and are Transparent about why this effort is important to you.

Today, we’re covering the W, of the acronym POWER, which stands for We-focused Goal Setting.

As a leader, We-focused Goal Setting means creating a shared vision and shared goals with your team or the people you are working with. Why? Because people are much more inclined to get behind something that they helped to create. That’s so important, we’ll say it again.

People are much more inclined to get behind something that they helped to create.

Think about it this way, if you’re creating new workflow processes and you engage your team in exploring what’s possible, that’s a great first step.

If you then share your commitment to creating success and why that success matters to you and explore why it would matter to them, you’ll start to see greater engagement.

Then, together, you’ll create shared goals for how to move the effort forward. By doing these first three steps, you’re more likely to have an entirely different response than if you said, “Do X going forward.”

The same is true if you’re a parent trying to get your family to eat more healthfully, (even with a 3 or 5-year old).

You’ll talk about what’s possible for healthy food additions, why it’s important to you and ask why the family wants to be healthy, and then you can create a list of healthier foods together to add into your days.

This will be so much more effective than simply adding brussel sprouts to the next meal!

In both cases, you want to look for those places where you can create a sense of “we” by working together to create an agreed upon plan to move closer to the vison.

Leadership is important in your work and in your life, and it requires creating shared macro-visions about the longer-term future as well as shared micro-visions about how you and your team (the We) will handle things today.

Spend some time this week looking at the goals that you’re leading toward and ask yourself,

  • Have I worked with the key people to create WE-focused goals?
  • Are the people I’m leading aligned with this goal?
  • Does each person have a sense of ownership about the success of the goal?
  • Do they understand what success looks like?
  • Does each person know what they need to do to succeed?

Remember, if your team, your colleagues, or your family can see their fingerprints on the vision, project, goal, or decision, they’re much more apt to be excited and engaged with its outcome.

Next week, we’ll talk about the 4th step in the ACT with POWER framework, the E, which stands for Enable Action.

Each day, you can ACT with POWER to create greater success in your life, in your family, in your work, and in your community.

Let us know how you’re stepping into your POWER!

– Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

Whether you’re a new manager or an experienced leader, if you’re looking to create a more engaged team, our Executive Coaching can help.

Contact us today to learn how we can support you in building a motivated and future-focused team.

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Overcome Your Obstacles with Ownership & Transparency

Last week we began a 5-week series on how to ACT with POWER, the third step in the Leader in You Framework (download our overview of this framework here).

Within our ACT with POWER framework, there are 5 critical actions that powerful leaders must do to move forward on important issues and initiatives.

In last week’s post, we focused on how to overcome your obstacles with the P of the acronym POWER – which stands for Possibility Mindset.

What we’ve seen over and over again is that the most successful leaders are always looking for the possibilities inherent in the obstacles and challenges they face.

There are always obstacles and challenges when you’re leading to a new future. 

 

Today we want to talk about the O, of the acronym POWER, which stands for Ownership & Transparency.

 

As a leader, once you’ve shifted into a Possibility Mindset, you’ll see ways to move toward success. Then you’ll need to Own your role in moving your team forward and be Transparent about why this effort is important to you.

People follow people.

When a leader takes ownership and shares why the effort or success matters to them, it invites their teams to do the same . . . then the magic happens!

Often, when we talk about ownership in leadership, people assume it means being bossy and telling everyone what to do. But ownership in leadership is really about being responsible and accountable for your role in creating success and inviting your team to own it as well.

Ownership + Transparency

The addition of being transparent about why this matters to you, personally and professionally, inspires hope and purpose.

You could say something like, “This company matters to me and if we can turn this around, we’ll make a difference for the company and for the people, who I hope will work here long into the future.”

It’s about openly and passionately letting others know why the project, initiative, or company itself is important to you, why creating success matters, and what they need to know to succeed.

Think of the difference between being told that you should or must do something as opposed to being invited into a compelling understanding of why this is important to both the person who is leading the effort and to you as a team member.

The best leaders are transparent about their passion for success and invite ownership and transparency from the people they’re leading.

This week take some time to think about whether you’ve created ownership for the projects you’re working on and whether you’ve been transparent about why success matters to you.

Whether you’re a CEO, a manager, or a parent – letting the people you’re leading know that you own your role in creating a great outcome and what inspires you to do so, will invite alignment and action.

Next week, we’ll talk about the 3rd step in the ACT with POWER framework which is W = We-Focused Goal Setting.

Let us know if you have any questions. We’re here for you!

– Linda, Stephanie, and Heather

Whether you’re a new manager or an experienced leader, if you’re looking to create a more engaged team, our Executive Coaching can help.

Contact us today to learn how we can support you in building a motivated and future-focused team.

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