Comics: now impressing even Justin Bieber fans

MTV, the network responsible for bringing pop singer Justin Bieber to the masses, may have actually redeemed themselves with their decision for the number-one geek moment of 2011.

In the midst of the 2011 nerd maelstrom comprised of several well-made Marvel Entertainment films, ‘Super 8′, the final Harry Potter movie, the iPhone 4S, tablet wars, Modern Warfare 3, Arkham City, a Facebook redesign, Google+ and a host of others, the network decided DC Comics’ New 52 launch that rebooted all their titles deserved top honors.

Slow clap everybody. On three.

Seriously though.

I’m not involved with this reboot by any means. I obviously don’t work for DC Comics. Oh, and this isn’t like winning the Nobel Peace Prize or an Academy Award, for sure.

Still, it’s nice to know the universe and characters I care so much for are getting such high props in pop culture circles. It shows, to me at least, that on some level, Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, et al matter.

And comics in general continue to make a splash as a distinct entertainment medium. In a world of geek that, at times, seems to be overrun by teenage vampires who write poetry and whine a lot instead of being monsters like they’re supposed to, it’s nice to know geekery that’s not exclusively for 13-year-old females is still making waves.

I think the thing that set this reboot apart is that, in addition to size, it was a chance for new comics readers to get involved. I started a few new titles myself. The monster super soldier story arc “Frankenstein: Agent of SHADE”, new takes on Batman’s protege “Nightwing” and sword-wielding vigilante “Deathstroke”, and the “Swamp Thing” reboot have been the highlights.

To be fair, this late trend of quality in art and storytelling extends beyond the DC publishers, even if the J. Bieber Network didn’t give them similar nods.

Marvel Comics has cranked out an extremely impressive origin story on Miles Morales, the new Ultimate Spider Man who picked up the webslinger’s mantle following Peter Parker’s demise. Miles is a mixed-race teenager of black and Latino descent who is bitten by a super spider that stowed away in his thieving uncle’s bag while he robbed the high-tech research offices of Oscorp. He comes from a life of borderline poverty, charter school lotteries and prejudice. Enter great power, great responsibility and a big pair of tights to fill. The title has been so much fun thus far.

In the independent, creator-owned universe, the 7-part psychological horror tale “Severed” has been one of the most disturbing pieces of fiction I’ve ever picked up. It’s subtle terror that plants a seed and grows. It’s essentially a story about how easy it was to disappear and never be found in the pre-Amber Alert/9-1-1/smartphone/social networking age.

Overall, it’s been a great time for this artistic medium to shine, and shine it has.

Give one or two titles a shot; Justin Bieber fans did.

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“Insanity” and other code words for passion

"There were times when I just thought, 'Are you kidding me?'" - John Pfeil

The race I remember running with my dad, John, more than any other is one where he beat me.

I had to be 13 or 14. It was a 10K race in Colorado Springs. Might have been my first one. About two miles out from the finish line along a cement trail, Dad, then in his early 40s, blew by me. He uttered something like, “Good, Ry. Push” in between haggard breaths.

I still remember hating that he passed me. I’d start beating him in a couple years, never look back. But in that moment, he’d chased me with a predator’s savagery and blown past like a gust of wind.

It was key anecdotal evidence that when he had something in front of him, something to pursue, something he wanted, he wasn’t going to let it go quietly.

He’d hunt it down and kill it.

_____

Flash forward to 2002, the year I graduated high school. A controversial book about climbing, heroism and cowardice found its way into my dad’s hands.  It was Jon Krakauer’s “Into Thin Air”, a book where he, Krakauer, tagged along with a group of 1996 Mount Everest climbers and the tragedy that befell some of them. Krakauer was criticized heavily for being inaccurate in his recollections of the journey, which my dad understood.

But the book’s nitty gritty wasn’t what got to him. It was that big, death-dealing rock in the background.

“It amazed me that people wanted to climb up a mountain so badly that they would risk their lives,” Dad said. “They would risk their fingers. I do some things that are a little off, but my God.”

Still, somewhere inside him, a seed got planted. It took nine years to germinate and grow. Then, in 2011, it bloomed in full.

 _____

Blake, my younger brother, was responsible.

He’d been in South Korea for a few months as part of a theater program he worked at. Not a bad gig when you’re fresh out of college. I rented cars to people. He went to South Korea to write plays and act in them to teach Korean children English. He wins.

Sibling rivalry defeat aside, he called my dad and said his friend had done the Gokyo Lake and Everest Base Camp Trek in Nepal. Travelers can see Everest the whole time. Dad checked into it and said he’d do it if they could also add Island Peak to their route. He wanted to climb over 20,000 feet. It was a JV-caliber hike when compared to Everest standards, but still extremely demanding. Blake agreed. They started planning for an early October trip.

My wedding sort of threw things off. I asked Blake to be my best man, and following that, he wanted to travel to New York to set up shop and start establishing himself as a performer, which he’s doing brilliantly, I might add. You can check out his website here.

Anyway, that was a bit of bad news for Dad. He’d already invested a quarter of his payment for the trip. He’d already started buying gear. Mentally, it was a done deal. Let’s do this.

He decided to go solo.

_____

His leg almost didn’t let him make the trip.

A countless number of marathons – Boston, Air Force, Eugene – finally took their toll. Plantar fasciitis took aim at his left foot, but went away after he backed off. Then his knee started to hurt. Like crazy. He limped everywhere for four months. Pride melted. He went to the doctor, got X-rays and MRIs. He had a tear in his meniscus. Surgery could fix it. He agreed and walked out of the ER that day, feeling fine.

A week later, he went running. No problems.

The trip was still a go.

_____

He arrived in Hong Kong before his final stop at Kathmandu. He shot an e-mail back to the dozens of worried people in the U.S. It rambles a bit, showing how little sleep he’d gotten.

“I’m reading a Nepal Trekking book and Steinbeck’s ‘Cannery Row’,” he wrote. “I feel somewhat related to Steinbeck, because I found he used to sign his name with an added logo/totem. He called his logo Pigasus; a contraction of the mythical Pegasus (flying horse) and a pig. I suspect this Steinbeck oddity might have had something to do with the American ‘when pigs fly’ phrase that came along later, but I don’t know.”

He touched down in Kathmandu Oct. 6 and spent the next day sightseeing.

“Kathmandu” is derived from the Sanskrit phrase “Kastha-Mandap”, which means “Temple Made of Wood.”

Cows roamed the streets, untouched. The traffic flowed with slow, impossible consistency.

“Cars miss colliding by inches, motorcycles weave among them and pedestrians are almost always mixed in with the traffic.  I only saw one broken down vehicle, but I suspect that its horn worked perfectly.  I do believe that drivers use their horns more often than they use their brakes,” he wrote.

He drank “Everest,” a premium lager beer.

His arrival time coincided with the beginning of Festival, essentially Nepal’s Thanksgiving. A priest approached him in the streets and blessed him by smearing a red powder across his head. Then he asked him to pay. Dad obliged. The same priest tried it again later, which he declined politely for nearly a quarter mile as they followed, trying to get him to reconsider. He saw the Kama Sutra Temple and the Temple of the Monkeys.

A cow took a seat next to Dad during a brief rest period. Maybe he looked like he needed company.

But his real journey, his real purpose for being across the world, began the next day. Kathmandu was a welcome calm before the storm, but the storm came just the same.

_____

Dad took off the next day and landed on a quarter-mile stretch of runway at Lukla Airport. Less than an hour after landing, the trek began.

He joined two other Americans, an Aussie, an Italian and a Filipino. Wobbly bridges lashed together with rope and ancient wood were a common occurrence.

“The first few were a bit scary, but we got used to them quickly,” he wrote.

His leg hurt a bit from surgery, but he pushed on. With each day that passed, the pain faded. He started losing weight despite the recommended 6,000 calories a day. In a few days, 10 pounds of  weight disappeared. The treads on his cheap boots wore out in five days. He spent nights cutting new treads in.

They were bound for Island Peak on the Everest Highway. Everest finally came into view. For the first time, he saw a sight very few men had conquered.

“It was cool. I could see the summit, the balcony, the whole thing,” he said.

Villages were scattered down in valleys along the way. Water collects there. There’s also limited protection from wind storms that stab at the surrounding peaks. Villagers cook with dried yak dung they mash into pies and dry in the sun.

The real climbing began. Dad conquered two smaller mountains, Gokyo and Kalla Pattar, as part of the route to Island Peak.

Guides knew the terrain, could walk it with their eyes closed. They edged along cliff faces like billy goats and trotted over tightrope-thin bridges with ballet precision. Second-nature.

The Hollywood slow motion-worthy moments began.

During their trek, the group had to descend into a glacier. Dad heard cracking sounds as it shifted and dug deeper into the earth. A one-meter boulder fell from the slopes above. The group all jumped to one side in unison. Dad would have been one of the casualties had they not moved, him and the guy behind him.

“It would have cut down the middle of our group,” Dad said. “Two guys ended up pretty much on top of me.”

The long stretch of ice fields just past Cho-La Pass may have been one of the scariest parts, Dad said.

It was the only part of the journey the head Sherpa yelled. The surface of the ice started to warm. Cracks scissored through it. They sounded like explosions. One of Dad’s traveling companions was exhausted to the point of resting every few steps. The Sherpa kept screaming at the party to move, move, move.

“They thought we’d have an avalanche,” Dad said.

They made it. A breathtaking view of Everest awaited them at the other end.

Only Island Peak remained.The peak is a small mountain when compared to others in the regions, but still big, 20,000-feet big. The most difficult part is a 150-meter stretch of climbing wall with an 85-degree incline toward the top. Climbers have to use an ascender, crampons, an ice ax, rope and plastic boots.

Dad climbed it with two other party members. The rest opted not to. The last 15 meters juts out at a murderous angle. It took him maybe half an hour to navigate it. At some points, he was just hanging by a rope slung tightly through his waist gear.

“With the possible exception of the Dublin Marathon (where I got hypothermia, and ran by far the worst marathon of my life), climbing up that wall to reach summit ridge was probably the most difficult physical thing I’ve ever done,” he wrote.

He made it to the top and opted not to go the last 35 meters. The route was essentially a rock tightrope, requiring balance and poise. Dad’s legs were shaking. He stayed put. This was as far as he would go. He hadn’t come this far to slip and fall.

The group descended. Dad returned to Kathmandu and checked into a hotel.

“My room has a shower, heat, electricity, a flushing toilet, and about the same oxygen content as Colorado Springs,” he wrote.  “All of these things were lacking for the last 20 days.”

_____

Dad got stateside Oct. 29, the same day as the Monster Dash race in Ashland. I’d just finished. It was my third race in four months. He called me from Los Angeles International Airport less than an hour after I crossed the finish line.

Best call I ever got.

Big Mac ordered, he soaked up the southern California warmth and waited for the final leg of his flight home. He was glad to be back in a place where he could order Big Macs.

“It’s fun to see the rest of the world, but I don’t want to live there,” Dad said.

There’s this flashback sequence in the “Green Lantern” movie where a young Hal Jordan asks his father, a stunt pilot, if he ever gets scared.

The dad’s response: “It’s my job not to be.”

Having a 57-year-old dad trot over the mountains of Nepal with a bum leg made that moment a little more personal for me. He’d respected the power that region has over man, but he faced it just the same.

Just like the race from my teen years where he rocketed past, he did what he went to do with focus, with courage. Maybe a dash of insanity.

All the other code words for passion.

Proud of you, Dad. Welcome back.

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Siri: newsroom bachelorette

I finally had an encounter with the new iPhone 4S. You know, the one that’s possessed.

With the new “Siri” feature the phone has, you’re supposed to be able to ask it virtually anything verbally, and it comes up with an answer. The intrepid Sanne Specht just picked one up. I asked if I could play with it. My first question was fairly obvious:

“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

The answer was unexpected:

“It depends on whether you’re talking about African or European woodchucks.”

Clever girl. I tried seeing if she spoke nerd fluently.

“Who would win in a fight? Captain America or the Hulk?”

Her answer: “I do not understand.”

Suuuuuure. Well, I guess I can’t really hold it against her. There were others present when I asked, and you never want to talk to the girl you like about superheroes. It just doesn’t convey that mysterious/smart/sensitive/Chuck Norris vibe.

My work buddy Nick came to the rescue. He treated Siri with respect and honor, and she answered every one of his commands/questions; he paid great attention to every word she said. He uttered commands like “Tell me a joke” and “Tell me a story” softly. He really listened. He held her with equal parts strength and tenderness.

If Siri read trashy romance novels, Nick would be the shirtless, muscle-clad guy on all the covers.

This might be the beginning of something beautiful between the two of them.

Either way, I’m still left with fond memories of my first few encounters with this nifty little device.

Oh, and as to her sage advice as to the age-old question on the meaning of life: “I don’t know, but I think there’s an app for that.”

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Are you creative? You could be going to prison

After my grandma died last year, I made a video called “Epitaph.”

It’s a testament to her life. I filmed it in the Jacksonville Cemetery with my then-girlfriend, now-wife and put a song in the background by an Icelandic post-rock band called Sigur Ros. It fits perfectly.

After uploading it to YouTube, I got a notification informing me that my video had third-party – copyrighted – content in it. The message said not to be alarmed. Basically, the song title and the artist would appear below the video, informing any viewers that the song they heard in the video background was not my own.

Oh, and you can buy it here, here and here.

Fair enough. More than fair. Actually, that seemed like the only suitable course. It’s just like attributing information from a news story so as not to be accused of plagiarism later. Hey, man, I dig your song and want to use it, and I respect you enough to tell people it’s your genius song, not mine.

A bill in the U.S. Senate could change all this in an extreme way.

Senate Bill 978, if passed, will make it illegal for videos with any sort of copyrighted content to be uploaded or shared by others. This includes video game reviews, videos with tiny little intros where the makers only use a few seconds of a song, cell phone footage of concerts, lonely individuals who’ve had a little too much wine and started playing Simon and Garfunkel songs in front of their web cam, etc. The list is all-encompassing.

How illegal? Try the up-to-five-years-in-prison-and/or-up-to-a-$5,000-fine kind.

You can read the full text of the bill here. There’s a lot of vague Senate speak blah blah stuff in it, but it essentially modifies the copyright infringement definition. Anything you use strictly without the owner’s permission would be a no-go, even if you weren’t using it with profitable motives.

For me, that would mean probably one-quarter of the videos I have made would have to go. And I’d do it, too. I’m just not prison material. I’m scrawny. My last fight was in eighth grade, and there were no switchblades involved.

But until that day comes, I am 100 percent against this legislative absurdity. This bill does not belong in real society. It belongs in an episode of “South Park” or some satirical play.

Yes, you can earn a profit on YouTube, but those that see significant ones use the online video platform as their career. Their videos get millions of views in just days, and they write their own material and music. They have a staff to do these things for them. If someone is earning a significant profit margin off an avalanche of copyrighted material, I have a sneaking suspicion it would be easy to catch them. Record companies, YouTube itself, the FCC and federal law enforcement agencies track this kind of stuff, and rightly so. Those who make a profit off content that is not theirs should be held accountable. That’s stealing.

But if someone like me is going to get thrown behind bars with other felons because I put a copyrighted song in a personal video meant to be shared with family and close friends, there’s something wrong with that.

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When all else fails, zombies

We asked, you delivered.

We’re so excited.

The submission process for the Mail Tribune/Daily Tidings Spook-tacular Halloween video contest has concluded. We got 17 entries, 13 of which came in hours before the deadline. We got some doozies. There were some real scares, real humor, and just some all-around quality video-making efforts.

Bruce Campbell of “Evil Dead” fame will watch them all as a judge, along with Rogue Valley filmmaker Alex Williams, web-team guru Mandy Valencia, and me. In a few days, we’ll have the results and winners.

You can watch all the videos and vote for your favorites by clicking here.

In the midst of excitement, a question arose in my mind. Why is horror such a popular genre when it comes to amateur videography and filmmaking?

Some of you may be saying, “It is?”

Yeah, it is. I minored in video production at SOU. I know what it is to sit in a room amongst a billion World of Warcraft nerds who borderline-worship David Cronenberg and keep trying to come up with ways to put twists on the outlandishly popular horror genre.

The sample exchange below is exaggerated, but it’s not far off.

FILM MORON 1: “Dude…we could have a zombie who’s a………vegetarian.” (Drinks more beer, eats more Cheetos, pets “Scarface” poster on wall)

FILM MORON 2: “Nah, nah. What about a serial killer who uses a….cheese grater.” (un-pauses God of War III, keeps playing)

FILM MORON 1: “Dude…that’s…….that’s beautiful.”

FILM MORON 2: “Right?!”

FILM MORON 1: “I mean…that’s never been done before. TELL ME WHERE THAT’S BEEN DONE.” (way too excited, drinks more beer to temper onset of laughable hyperness, but just makes him more hyper)

FILM MORON 2: (bounces in seat, drools)

(Spoiler: They write a page of script, never film anything, get day drunk and fall asleep talking about iPhone apps and how much “Transformers” director Michael Bay sucks.)

But even if these entirely-realistic caricatures had gotten around to filming, why is it they found themselves brainstorming ideas that were horror-related at all? Why, when all else fails during the pre-production process, are zombies and monsters and serial killers the easiest fail-safe?

I posed this question to a few people at work. The most common response I got was along the lines of, “In horror, it’s very easy to bring out viewers’ emotions in a short amount of time.”

Fair enough. I watched every submitted video for our contest – all around three minutes – and I smiled and/or found myself nodding at least once during most of them. I called co-workers over to watch some of the entries, citing certain points or ideas or segments I thought were clever.

We’ve done three video contests to date, and this is the first time I’ve done that. These videos did the job well, so go check them out. Have a blast. Nothing beats a horror movie during Halloween.

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Whales love ‘Arkham City’, video reveals

Sometimes awesome doesn’t need to be explained; sometimes it just speaks for itself.

Exhibit A: Blue whale gets up close and personal with kayaker

That…….I mean, seriously. What do you say about something like that? So cool and humbling to know an animal THAT BIG shares the planet with us.

Moving on. Let’s talk about, oh, I dunno…Batman.

Rocksteady Games released a Batman masterpiece Tuesday, a followup to the largely successful ‘Batman: Arkham Asylum’ video game that made a lot of nerds’ greatest hits lists back in 2009, this guy’s included.

The expectations on a sequel were certainly high, but Rocksteady really delivered the goods with ‘Batman: Arkham City.’ Bear in mind, I’ve only played the game for a little over an hour – would have been longer, but I need to keep this facade of an adult going, and sleep’s part of the equation – but it’s already got its claws hooked into me.

This is a true world you are a part of, and visually, it’s just impressive to look at. Remember ‘Escape From New York’? If you don’t, it’s a movie where, in the future, all of Manhattan has been converted into one big maximum security prison. Same idea here, only this time, it’s a section of Gotham, and Bruce Wayne (i.e. really Batman for you completely comic book illiterate-types) decides to go into activist mode and protest the inhumane, unsafe conditions inside.

During a speech, he’s arrested and becomes an inmate, coming face to face with a variety of baddies he’s helped put inside.

The nerd stuff isn’t what hooked me right off the bat. It was the the environment. The outdoor prison you spend the game’s duration inside is so vast, so colorful, and meticulously detailed. Even the snow falling from ever-shifting cloud patterns above you looks amazing.

Sheesh, even now I want it to snow so I can walk through dark alleys and across abandoned building rooftops.

This whole ‘real life’ thing is a real drag sometimes, huh?

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Enabling creativity hippies

New rule, guys: you can’t remake “The Thing.”

The what?

“The Thing.”

What thing?

“The Thing.” Howard Hawks movie. John Carpenter remade it brilliantly in the early 80s…

Ohhhh. “The Thing.”

That’s what I just…

Doesn’t it just sound like a film title that has the potential to be in a “Who’s on First”-type routine? Maybe horror movie nerds are sitting around hopped up on Bagel Bites and Code Red Mountain Dew and start talking about horror movies. Use “The Thing”, “The Fly”, and other nondescript titles and you’ve got yourself a Saturday Night Live hit.

But let’s get serious for a minute here.

Despite it’s lackluster name, “The Thing” – the 1950s black and white classic and the 1980s gore-hemorrhaging mess-terpiece – is an important horror title. Both versions contain a fairly simple premise: Antarctica-bound scientists battle one ticked-off alien who took a pretty long icebound nap before escaping its chilly bed.

Oh, they’re remaking it. Again. Oh, I’m not joking, fellow Pocket Armorers. Betcha 10 bucks.

Proof in 3…2…1.

1951

1982

2011

Boom, told ya. You owe me 10 bucks.

The 2011 version comes out tomorrow, and I gotta tell ya, it’s a little infuriating. These recyclers of the same ideas – or, as I like to call them, “creativity hippies” – have gone too far.

YOUR RESPONSE: “But Ryan…it’s a prequel. You know how the Norwegian base gets all messed up in the original…um…remake? How you don’t know what happened beyond everyone dying awful grisly deaths? This shows you what happened. It pulls back the curtain.”

THAT. Might be the most infuriating aspect of all. Two reasons:

1) Not knowing the specifics of what went down at the Norwegian base is part of what made director John Carpenter’s vision so unnerving. As a viewer, you had to fill in the dark spots yourself. That’s part of what makes a horror movie work.

2) You’re essentially extending the beginning of a story I already know the ending of. Oh, nifty. Let’s do the same thing with “The Hobbit” and devote whole movies to Bilbo being born, to Darth Vader’s teething years.

“The Bicuspids Strike Back.”

Time travel fail.

Despite all this, I plan on seeing it movie anyway. That’s right, opinion terrorists, I have the option of ragging on something without having the slightest idea of how good or bad it actually is. It’s one of my liberties; just ask any talk radio host or basement-bound blogger.

I’ll pay my 8 bucks – 16 if my wife decides she wants to roll her eyes for two hours – and sit through the madness of a remade remake. I’ll do it because, well, it’s a horror movie and I’m a horror fan; it’s pretty simple. You just go right ahead and take my money, you creativity hippies. Original idea or not, I’ll give you a shot.

Hypocrisy win.

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Dear Steve

“I want to put a dent in the universe.” – Steve Jobs

Dear Steve:

You don’t know me. We never bumped into each other at work or exchanged pleasant waves in passing. I didn’t get mass e-mails from you about doughnuts in the conference room or that the staff meeting time had been changed to 2 p.m.

And yet, I’m still a little bummed at the news of your passing. I heard about it on the way home from work yesterday. I called a co-worker to confirm. She did. It actually made me a little sad.

It only took a few minutes to get to the ‘why’ part. Celebrity deaths don’t register as something to mourn over with me. Mourning is for family, for mass tragedy.

So what makes you special?

Really, it’s simple. I think you believed in me, in other people like me.

You gave us the tools to succeed.

We, the people you believed in, are a rare breed. We go by the label of “videographer,” i.e. one of a billion schmucks that bought a crap HD camera and hallucinates about being the next Christopher Nolan when really we’re all just shooting the same sunrise and giggling over how composed and well-framed we think it looks.

We’re something else though. We like the shooting part. Put a camera in our hands and we’re home, even if we suck. I love obnoxiously intrusive closeups, especially of eyes.

But then comes the editing; the process of uploading and slicing and color correcting and voice normalizing and clip arranging and undoing and redoing and OH !@#$%&*& MY HARD DRIVE JUST WENT CATATONIC BECAUSE OF THE UMPTEEN BAZILLION GIGS OF MOVING PICTURES I DEMANDED IT PROCESS.

Reboot. Data lost. Start over.

We dreaded the editing, Steve, but because of the smug, fedora-wearing crowd of poser artistes we, unfortunately, have to run with, we had to pretend editing that sunrise footage is the cat’s pajamas. We were closeted, and our version of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell hadn’t been repealed yet.

All that said, we’re really just lazy.

You to the rescue.

You oversaw the creation of products like the MacBook Pro, of programs like iMovie ’11 and Final Cut Pro X and Magic Bullet that actually made the process fun, efficient. Our version of a workshop got shinier, brighter, more fun to be in.

You told us the grand visions we had in our heads, but were too lazy to spend multiple 12-hour editing sessions realizing, were still important. They were dreams, dreams like the ones you’ve probably had your whole life.

“Don’t cut corners,” you seemed to say. “Do it the right way, just do it faster, because dreams and creativity matter. Anyone should be able to see them in full bloom. Technical expertise and patience shouldn’t be barriers.”

I made this video last year on Christmas morning, Steve. It’s the first thing I ever edited on my Mac. It’s…surprise, a sunrise, nothing special; but because of the tools you gave me, I had a desire to edit it anyway.

Thanks for telling me, in your own way, that I can do this.

Sincerely,

Ryan

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PadNookKindleTabBrainMelt

No.

No, no, no. This can’t be happening.

Can’t.

For God’s sake, I’m 28 years old; twenty-eight and resisting the idea that the day where open-and-close books with their smell and their reader-made creases could be coming to an end.

There were seeming options before: advance or stay right where you were. You had the choice to turn up your nose at the idea of these e-readers like Kindles and Nooks or embrace them. After reading this morning’s Wall Street Journal story on the Kindle Fire, is the choice is going to be around much longer?

Amazon really went all out this time. The Kindle Fire offers games, Apps, videos and books. Unlike the iPad, it doesn’t have a camera. Unlike the regular Kindles, it doesn’t have the electronic ink screen. That lack of gadgetry will prevent me from buying this particular model.

I stare at a computer screen most of the day editing video, writing stories and doing maintenance on our two websites. I hate that blah feeling of having stared at a screen too long. The other Kindle models say they can solve this with their electronic ink screens, meant to mimic paper and be softer on the eyes.

It may be hypocritical to resist the appeal on my part. The words “technology” and “digital” are part of my job description. It can’t be helped. Going into Powell’s or Barnes and Noble or those small dust-covered used bookstores is a screen-less joy. Browsing shelves beats out “click here to purchase” every time. There’s walking involved, re-shelving, coming back because that one book you thought you were over keeps calling you back.

Call me – I’m seriously going to say this, really? – old-fashioned, but turning book buying it into an experience just sounds more appealing, healthier, even if you prefer borrowing books at the library.

Just my two cents.

Not to say e-readers are the absolute epitome of evil either. I have a friend who swears by her Kindle. She subscribes to the New York Times and gets literary classics for free. Not a bad deal. If that methodology can sink its hooks into reluctant readers and infect them with a love for words and good storytelling, so be it. I won’t stand in the way of progress if it’s real progress.

But when I was your age…

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Facebook: an intervention

The following is a scene from an upcoming episode of A&E’s “Intervention.” In this episode, friends of the popular social networking site Facebook confront the site in its living room following a recent tidal wave of redesigns.

EXT. LIVING ROOM – MIDDAY

MYSPACE, TWITTER, and GOOGLE+ sit on couches and chairs, looking at the floor, twiddling their thumbs, glancing about nervously. MYSPACE is a chain-smoking has-been male with tired eyes and grizzled, unwashed hair. TWITTER is a woman who is short, cute and can’t stop talking. GOOGLE+ is a young-looking, professional woman, an adult who looks like a teen wrapped in a business suit. They are looking through the fridge.

MYSPACE: (puffs his cigarette) We’re wasting our time.

TWITTER: @MySpace. Don’t say that. #staypositivebestrong

MYSPACE: Just wait five years, wait until no one wants to even look at you because something else comes along.

MYSPACE gestures at GOOGLE+, who is looking through the fridge’s top shelf.

GOOGLE+: (over shoulder) Yeah, yeah. Just keep talking about me like I’m not even here.

MYSPACE: (annoyed) What are you doing anyway?

GOOGLE+: Searching for ice cream. I’m feeling lucky. Gotcha!

She  extracts pints of rocky road, mint chocolate chip and vanilla. Then she also pulls out a manual on making your own ice cream, ice, a jug of cream and a DVD of the latest season of “Ice Road Truckers.” She selects the mint chip pint and starts eating.

MYSPACE: (to TWITTER) How does she do that?

TWITTER: @MySpace. #shrug

The front door opens and FACEBOOK walks through. He is a Ken doll of epic proportions, everything shaped and sculpted, clearly the recipient of a few botox injections, calf implants and tummy tucks. His nose is wrapped in bandages. He sips a smoothie as he walks into the living room. He looks around at his friends.

FACEBOOK: Hey guys. What’s with the cameras?

MYSPACE: Your door was unlocked. You forgot to hit ‘save’ on your privacy settings again.

FACEBOOK: (points to his nose) I thought I just fixed that! Alright, fine. I’ll go back.

FACEBOOK starts to leave the living room.

TWITTER: @Facebook! Wait!

FACEBOOK: (turns) What?

MYSPACE: (stands, stubs his cigarette) We’ve gotta talk.

FACEBOOK: About what?

GOOGLE+: We’re worried about you.

FACEBOOK: (yells) What are you doing in my house?

GOOGLE+ rolls her eyes.

GOOGLE+: (to Twitter) Told you I shouldn’t have come.

FACEBOOK: Not enough that you start stealing all my friends, is it? You’ve gotta come in my house and start eating my ice cream, too? Are you mental?

GOOGLE+: …I was feeling lucky.

FACEBOOK: What the heck does that even mean?!

Crosstalk between the four social networking sites. Yelling. Accusations.

MYSPACE: (firm) Look.

The fighting stops.  They all look at MySpace.

MYSPACE: I know what I have to say falls on deaf ears most of the time. I’m old, I’m grumpy. No one comes by my house anymore except 12-year-olds and moms who like Justin Bieber. Doesn’t look right. But for what it’s worth, this has got to stop.

FACEBOOK: What?

MYSPACE: (points at face, body) This. And this. All of it. Redesign after redesign. You’ve changed who you are completely over the last year or so. We don’t even recognize you anymore.

TWITTER: @Facebook. You don’t have to keep doing this. You’re beautiful just the way you are. Please. #desperation.

FACEBOOK: Yes I do. Progress is good. Why are you so afraid of change? People change!

GOOGLE+: (mouth full of ice cream) You look ridiculous.

TWITTER: @Google+ That’s not necessary. #rude!

GOOGLE+: Well, I’m sorry. Somebody needed to say it. A live news feed where we see everything our friends are doing?

FACEBOOK: (bordering on tears)You can report any concerns to our help desk. They’ll be happy to help! God, I just…

GOOGLE+: And zero will get changed. Zero. Your boss, Zuckerburg or whatever? He’s nuts.

TWITTER: @Facebook. We just care about you so much. You’re the glue that holds us all together and we just don’t want to see you self-destruct. We lo

TWITTER twitches and resumes talking.

TWITTER: ve you. Sorry, went over my 140-character limit.

MYSPACE: (giggles) I call them Twitter tweaks.

TWITTER: @MySpace IT’S A CONDITION!

GOOGLE+: It’s like talking to Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man.

FACEBOOK: Whatever. You guys just stay here and keep wolfing down crazy pills. I’m going back to work.

FACEBOOK storms out of the living room and slams the door. The three remaining sites look at each other.

GOOGLE+: That went well.

MYSPACE: Dislike.

TWITTER: RT @MySpace Dislike.

END SCENE


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    Ryan Pfeil

    This is a blog for southern Oregonians to check in on all things geek. Sci-fi, history, comics, movies, video/photo and anything else that would have gotten you shut in a locker in high school. Have fun. Read Full
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