BOOK IT! Friday’s Special Turkey Edition

BOOK IT! Friday kicks off early for Thanksgiving and you steelhead bums will need the help picking holiday games so you  can keep cashing tickets instead of returning your empties for micro brew dough and fly-tying materials.

At 8-0 for November, Fish Hack’s Da Man for you.

Got just one pick for Thursday and that’s the Lions-Bears traditional Thanksgiving brawl. Lions are favored by 7 points and that looks pretty good to a former Detroiter who grew up scalping tickets at Lion games. Detroit should win but that’s a tough cover.

Fish Hack sees this game blamed between the 30s, with both teams turning touchdowns into field goals. That’s why Hack’s taking the under at 44.5 points.

Hack’s sleeping it off during the Dallas game, but ready to play big on the night game. New England at Green Bay is a Super Bowl preview, with the home team laying 3 points.

Again, it’s tough giving points to Tom Brady, but the over number is a paltry 57.5 points. Either one of these quarterbacks can take care of that himself. Lovin’ the over.

BOOK IT!

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BOOK IT! FRIDAY:Keep the Streak Alive

Fish Hack is starting to come correct more and more, taking a week off after dialing up a sweet three-team parlay win the week before.

That’s five straight you steelhead bums have hit playing Hack’s picks, allowing the micro-brew bottles to stack in the garage for someone else to cash.

Down to business…

The number to know in the Jets at Bills game isn’t the spread. It’s 70, as in inches of snow coating one of the Rustbelt’s rustiest towns. Love the under at 38 1/2 by two decent defenses with struggling offenses and a lot of running out the clock.

The Lions at New England has a feel like the Steelers soiling themselves against the Browns after two big-time scoring dates. Brady’s been lightin’ the town ablaze, but he hasn’t played a very good defense like the Lions, who help keep this under 49 points by systematically turning touchdowns into field goals.

And lastly there’s an upset abrewin’.

Not only is Cincy getting 2 points at Houston a nice get, the Bungles will right the ship and win it outright. Take ‘em.

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On the Bears and Schools Beat

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is back on the black bear beat. Or is it the schools beat. Or both?

Bears in West Medford./Hanging out too close to schools./Bears and schools don’t mix.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and sprinkles in a few forms of bad Japanese poetry as a schtick to stand out in this vapid expanse known as the Internet.

Everybody blogs/Few have something real to say./Does not stop them, though.

So a black bear found Sunday morning in a tree near Jefferson Elementary School was given a day to get outta town on her own. She didn’t and paid the price Monday morning before the toddlers came trotting by.

Read about it HERE.

Truth is, black bears are probably more afraid of you than you are of them. That said, you don’t want some freaked-out bear running around a bunch of kids.

Just shows you how wild Southern Oregon remains.

There’s bears in the woods/There’s also bears in the streets./Living in the wild.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Big Bets and Big ‘Nooks

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack returns after a few weeks away from cranking out bad Japanese poetry to schtick up an outdoors blog.

Back to the Fish Wrap.Hack focused on betting blogs. Steelhead bums need coin.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins still out there, this is when and where Hack does the schtick. Get it?

At least Hack’s time off the Monday rants has been productive. With a 3-0 NFL weekend offf BOOK IT! Friday bets, Hack’s won his last five games and that’s something the Oakland Raiders haven’t been able to say for a decade.

This brutal cold snap heading our way will put the kabosh on fall chinook salmon fishing on coastal streams like the Elk and Sixes rivers.

Normally, you’d find Hack at the mouth of the Elk, 10-weight fly rod in hand, casting big streamers for big chinook on this nice tide series that comes annually right around Veterans Day.Had a couple 30-chinook days down there over the past 28 years of fly-fishing for ‘nooks there.

This year won’t be one of them.

Cast big flies for ‘nooks./1–weight hums as fish makes runs./Best sound in the world.

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BOOK IT! Friday: A Three-Team Parlay to Make Your Day

Welcome back to BOOK IT! Friday, where Fish Hack got the Battle of Ohio right on Thursday night, unlike Andy Dalton and the rest of the Bungles.

Cleveland beat Cincy for the right to live in Ohio. Loser stays.

As for the rest of this weekend’s pics, Fish Hack has a few winners for you steelhead bums too lazy to look for your own angles.

First, there’s Dallas laying six to Jacksonville. The Jags have beat the spread just twice this year, and there’s not much reason to think playing on Greenwich Mean Time will change that. Lay the points but don’t watch this dog of a scrum.

Kansas Citiy heads to Buffalo as a two-point fave during an up-and-down season for both teams. KC almost always covers as a road fave, so play that trend.

Then there’s Baltimore laying nine to Tennessee. Since Joe Flacco shaved off his porn stache this team’s been tough to read in serious games. The only solid is that the Ravens routinely blow out bad teams, and the Titans fit that bill. Take the Ravens, evermore.

BOOK IT!

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BOOK IT! Friday: How Big Ben’s day last week shapes this week’s winners

Welcome back to Book It! Friday, where Fish Hack is willing to part with a few NFL winners for this weekend so you steelhead bums don’t have to clear the garage of empties to get a little beer money.

Hack was too far away from the Fish Wrap last week for even the Pinkertons to find him, let alone barf out a few picks for you degenerates who look to Fish Hack for Sunday financial help.

Got plenty to offer this weekend, though, and the key game of this week actually played out last week.

When Big Ben hung 51 points on Indy, it made for two good bets for this week.

First, the Ravens travel to Pittsburgh this week for a rivalry game with an inflated over of 47.5 points thanks largely to bettors falling for last week’s Steelers’ anomaly. When these teams met earlier in the season, the total was 32. Take the under and watch the field goals fly.

And who exactly was it to give Big Ben more scores than a Mustang Ranch shift last week? That would be Indy, which has had trouble stopping anyone and everyone this season.

Luck has the skill to score, but look for Eli Manning to find the cure that Big Ben got in Week 8. The 50.5 points as the over-under should fall easily, given these teams’ track records. Take the over.

And then there’s Cincy at home laying 11 points to a piss-poor Jacksonville team that can’t travel across the street to win a game. Cincy is undefeated in more than two years at home, and with AJ Green returning the TDs should roll for the Bengals.

Lay the points.

BOOK IT!

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BOOK IT! FRIDAY: Layin’ Low But Still Layin’ Coin

This is not the kind of week where Fish Hack excels in NFL picks, but then again, which one has.

With a slate full of low road faves and home dogs, the week is rife with games that don’t instill confidence.

Like Cleveland a two-point fave over Pittsburgh in the Pound. Clevelend had Pittsburgh beat in Steelertown on Week One, but blew it.

Do you really think they can do it finish off their rivals this time at home? Chances are the Browns wi’ll find a way to lose a close one, but how close?

So Fish Hack is backin’ off the accelerator and going with the one pick that looks good…a good team at home.

Seattle is laying 8 1/2 to Dallas at home. The 12th Man is worth 7 of those points right there, and who really believes that a 4-1 Dallas team can hang with a 4-1 Seattle team. Seahawks expose the Cowboys for their fraudulent record, covering the spread before the end of the first half.

They’ll breeze through the second half and only us degenerates will be watching the fourth quarter to make sure Robo Romo doesn’t string together garbage points.

BOOK IT!

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BOOK IT! FRIDAY: Leave the Returnables in the Garage and Make These Bets

Welcome back to Book It! Friday, when Fish Hack puts the fly rod down to pound out some NFL picks so you steelhead bums can make some money without having to return that garage full of IPA empties.

Remember, the same derelectic interests that make up steelheaders also makes us gamblers.

The world got last week’s Dallas-Seattle game. But every Sunday brings new hopes to cash on wise wagers, so here it goes.

First, Teddy Bridgewater and the Vikings’ low-flying air game travel to Buffalo to meet the run-stuffing Bills. Minnesota gets 4.5 points, and though we’re looking at another low-scoring game this is the play. Minnesota couldn’t score at the Mustang Ranch. Lay the 4.5 (which is more than the Vikes scored last week) and play the under-43.

Detroit is in a strange position to be favored by 3 points against a New Orleans team that many considered a Super Bowl could-be laying in the weeds. But they’ve been playing like they’ve been smoking weed, especially on defense.

The answer to the bet here is in the numbers. While Saints are averaging 26 points a game, the Lions are averaging just under 20 a game. But Detroit’s giving up just 13.6 to New Orleans pourous 28.2-point defense.

That’s a 9-point differential in favor of the Lions.

Lion’s D tops the league, and they are much better at home on both sides of the ball than on the road. Make some field goals for a change and cover that 3 points.

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Rogue Bay, Omega 3 Fatties and Oh $#!% Moments

D-Wink, left, B-Wink and the Xed-out eye of a big Rogue chinook.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is back in the Fish Wrap after a little time trolling the Rogue River Bay, the westernmost leg of Hack’s home waters.

It’s a day chasing meat, and a fruitful one at that.

Turned one chinook’s eyes into X’s and didn’t get in the way of a good bud whacking the biggest Oregon fish of her life.

“Get the net, Fish Hack/And don’t you dare F this up!”./Not Hack’s best moment.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry as the schtick.

Hit the Rogue Bay with buds Dana and Brian Winkler to spin some ‘chovies for big ‘nooks. It’s the annual Fish Hack and B-Wink trip to stock up the freezer with fresh chinook to last thorugh the winter.

This time, B-Wink brought better-half D-Wink, a one-time Alaskan who has put tahe hurt to all sorts of finned critters over the years, but the best she’s done in the bay to date is a little jack salmon.

The trick on getting bay fish to bite is to rig up an anchovy so it does the requisite death spin in the water, imitating a damaged bait fish that’s easy to munch.

Hack whacked a 10-pounder Saturday and B-Wink caught the smallest hatchery coho this side of Munchkin Land.

You call that a fish?/Hack’s ‘nook craps bigger than that./Coho fingerfood.

With a few extra hours of trolling Sunday, the plan was to get D-Wink some Omega-3 Fatty of her own..

Just as the sun creeps over the clearcuts, D-Wink thinks she’s stuck on the bottom. B-Wink is trying to get her to thumb the spool to get the lead out of the rocks.

Good thing she didn’t because it would have lodged in the reel as a big ‘nook swirls and heads toward Tokyo.

D-Wink plays it like a champ and gets it to the boat for Hack to put on a hero net. Except oneself forgets to put the old polarized glasses on.

Thought Hack was about to stab right in front of its face.Turns out it’s the tail. Goosed that fish for a run, the kind of Oh $#!%! Moment that usually leads to a lost fish and a Facebook unfriending.

Luckily, D-Wink put the wood to that ‘nook again and eventually got it to the boat so tuckered out that it all but begged for a netting…and Hack complied.

A 30-pounder with sea lice fell into the driftboat. Hack glad to be part of the solution instead of all of the problem.

D-Wink gets her ‘nook./Hack avoids laughingstock roll./Great bay memory.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Meat Fishing the Rogue Bay

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is laying low at the Fish Wrap for a few days of R&R before heading down to the Rogue River bay for a weekend of meat fishing.

Chinook and perhaps a coho with a missing fin, as long as it’s big enough.

Fish the bay for meat./Need fillets for the smoker./Bay trolling fills it.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins still out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors, with a few bad forms of old Japanese poetry tossed in as the schtick.

Cuz you need a schticks/To stand out in blogosphere./Too much noise on web.

Fish Hack goes through a few killing fits annually, with one the last weekend in September. That’s when Hack and bud Brian have been making a point to troll the bay for chinook and coho.

Two years ago had a 30-fish day. Last year was one bite, but a 30-pounder in the box.

Expect this year to be somewhere in betweeen.

Trolling big anchovies with the Rogue bait rig set-up is the only way to go. Ask bud Jim Carey from the Rogue Outdoor Store to save a few trays of the big ‘uns for us.

The only thing better than a ‘nook trying to jerk your rod out of your hands comes in November, when Hack fly-fishes for chinook at the mouth of Elk River.Epic takes, for sure.

 

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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