Fish Hack at the Fish Wrap: Southern Oregon Outdoor Blog

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is knocking out the Search and Destroy for Friday’s Fish Wrap a little early to make time for getting a lttle ink on this-here blank Salmon/Steelhead kill tag.

Gotta whack a Rogue River winter steelhead, admission into the Super Bowl party Fish Hack takes the Tax Deductions and The Most Significant Other annually.

Sans steelhead and Fish Hack might have to listen to the game parked outside…again.

Sans. Peeps. Winner

It’s widely known that Fish Hack’s smoked fish gets invitations to parties that my mouth can’t get me kicked out of, until the fish is gone.

And what better time than killing that first hatchery steelhead of the year and using it to feed Fish Hack’s peeps during the only real national holiday we have.

So that kill-or-be-killed document in the Fish Wrap known more commonly as the Fishing Outlook must get all its lies and misconceptions written early so Fish Hack can partake.

Andif you haven’t make sure you phone in that Super Bowl bet sooner rather than later.

The Giants opened at 3 1/2-point dogs and already have been bet down to 2 1/2-point dogs.

Consider that they’re probably going to win anyway, you might as well get as many points as you can.

It’s the last bet of the season, so you might as well go out a winner.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is glad he got the Giants plus 4 last week before the line took a dive not unlike Fish Hack’s career in the blogosphere.

Got the Gints plus 4./Could be even by kickoff./Gotta bet the Bowl.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off — not Brazilian style, but in the form of bad Japanese poetry about the outdoors and whatever the hell spews out of these fingertips.

It’s like Turret’s, but written.

Today was supposed to be the day Fish Hack partakes in that rarity known as January winter steelhead fishing in the upper Rogue River, Fish Hack’s home waters.

With almost 100 winters at Cole Rivers Hatchery as of last Thursday, there should have been plenty of steelhead for a morning trip.

Early steelhead rock./Should mean for a good season./Steelhead bums take note.

But noooooo.

Hack has to stick around the Fish Shack waiting for the damn cable guy to fix the mess the last cable guy caused trying to fix the mess the first cable guy caused.

Talk about job security…three guys to screw up what one could fix.

I’ve called that automated trouble-shooting line so many times that the Techno-Chick has threatened a restraining order on me.

But for $130 a month, the Tax Deductions expect Internet to work with the television on.

So does Fish Hack.

That’s why it’ll be a few days before Fish Hack gets some ink on that steelhead tag.

Whack a winter soon/Biomass Footprint widens./Smoke one for The Bowl.

Here we are again at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is hanging out at the Fish Wrap waiting for the Rogue River to clear up enough to take a whack at the first winter steelhead to reach the upper Rogue this season.

That little gully-washer of a storm last week brought just enough warm water to get steelhead upstream and well-dispersed in the Rogue and Fish Hack wants nothing more than to turn a few winters’ eyes into X’s.

Gully-washer. Harvest. Kill.

Any steelhead bum worth his fly box will tell you that walking around with that fresh and unmolested steelhead tag is just sick and wrong.

You gotta get some ink as soon as possible on that thing known as the combined salmon-steelhead harvest tag — the piece of paper that says you can fish for steelhead and where you must log the fish you kill.

That’s right, kill.

When you decide to initiate a critter of any kind into the Aluminum Club, you kill it. It’s not harvested, like wheat.

The only time you harvest a steelhead is when you run over it with a combine.

.On, Deere.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is waiting out the high water that is Southern Oregon while happy and lucky to be 2-0 on weekend NFL bets.

Bet what Fish Hack writes/And you push. Bet Hack’s real bets/And you cash, big time.

Gave you all the Giants to win, and told you in Three-Word Thursday to take the Pats and lay the points.

Then I heard Saturday that the Ravens under Jim Harbaugh are 64-8 against the spread when it’s 7 or more against them.

Got me to switch horses.

Ravens lose, but Fish Hack wins.

It’s a beautiful thing.

New info, change bet./Forgot to blog about it./Sucks for you, loser.

Might as well fight about football picks because the Rogue and other South Coast streams will be rip-roaring all week with high and dirty flows and hardly worth discussing.

Friday’s Outdoor Journal column by yours truly details the yin and yang of high-water events like this one.

Check it out HERE

Makes Bleacher Butt watching the Tax Deductions ball it not so bad.

Big water, stay home./Watch the runts play basketball./.Hack loves being dad.

Or…

Bleacher Butt is worth/Seeing Tax Deductions rule./Fish another day. 

Here we are again at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is sittin’ in the Fish Wrap workin’ up Sunday’s NFL bets and lookin’ at the Rogue River gauges to see just how big this-here storm will raise Southern Oregon’s Rogue River.

Expect the flows to peak early Friday, dropping and clearing enough by the weekend to bring the first decent waves of winter steelhead this-here way.

Sunday should be a perfect days for non-Niner fans to hit the middle Rogue and get that first tagger for 2012..

Tagger. Event. Bets.

Fish Hack always gets geeked over storm events, having covered water and whatnot at the Fish Wrap for 23 years now. While it’s freaking out mountain drivers has the snowboarding Tax Deduction back on Mt. Ashland, this event isn’t eally much of a storm – but it’s all we got.

When it shakes out, this is likely to come as a 1-year event…a storm you can expect to move in 100 times over a 100-year period. Pretty average stuff as far as the wild Rogue watershed goes.

But Rogue flows have been so damn low and cold the past few weeks that the change in water volume will be enough to jump-start the winter steelhead season in the Grants Pass area. That’s gonne be the place to go from now into April.

When you get back from the middle Rogue Sunday afternoon, look for some sad faces around town as Niner fans will be crying in their beers and stealing their kids’ lunch money to pay off their bookies.

The New York Giants are getting 2 1/2 points, but probably won’t need them. Smart money’s on the Giants.

And while you’re at it, don’t expect Joe Flacco to muster enough points to match with the 7 1/2 points Baltimore is getting against that Patriots arsenal.

For the Ravens, it’s Never More.

Take the Pats and lay the points and pick out the new Beulah fly rod you can buy with your winnings.

BOOK IT!

Here is what biologists believe to be OR-7, the wandering wolf that is moving deeper and deeper into California

Here we are at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is watching OR-7 wander farther and farther away from his namesake state to where he might qualify for a moniker change to NEV-1.

OR-7. Lassen. Fruit.

What was once Southern Oregon’s first confirmed wolf in 65 years has become California’s first confirmed wolf in 88 years, and he’s beating paws farther and farther away to a point where chances are he won’t be coming back.

The question is…when he crossed the California state line, did he have any fruit to declare?

A satellite receiver on OR-7′s bling put him Wednesday in Lassen County after spending six days in Shasta County.

The dude is on his horse, dispersing farther and farther away from his original Imnaha pack in Northeast Oregon that he left in September.

Still only one likely photo of OR-7 exists. It’s this one shot by a Central Point man on his remote trail-cam in November.

At this rate, he could be in Reno in time to throw a little coin on Syracuse to win it all in March Madness.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is Tebowing in hopes that it will bring winter steelhead to the middle Rogue River like it brought a win to a pretty hapless Denver Broncos.

GB2 now means/”Go Broncos and Get Steelhead.”/That’s how we Tebow.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and waxes off not Brazilian style but in the forms of back Japanese poetry.

It’s the schtick that keeps on schticking.

So waiting for winter steelhead to show up in the middle Rogue means Fish Hack either has a little time on his hands or he’s gotta get that new rig pointed toward the Chetco River, where the winter steelhead run is rocking right now.

That’s just two hours away. Probably worth the trip about now.

Get to the Chetco/To find some winter steelhead./.Expense accounts rock.

As for tonight, Fish Hack’s up pretty solidly on this year’s bowl season, with one game to go.

The Rematch is a reset. ‘Bama wins. Roll Tide.

BOOK IT!

Three-Word Thursday ushers in 2012 not bettin’ on the Mayans being right or wrong.

If the winter solstice becomes a mega do-over for this-here orb as the Mayan calendar predicts, then there’s no reason to pay Fish Hack’s spare change into the Tax Deductions’ college funds.

Then again, if the ultimate “hit reset” button turns out to be as ho-hum as Daylight Savings Time, then it’s good Fish Hack didn’t put most of 2011 on the Visa account to get enough miles to get to Alaska on a free ticket next fall.

Funny how inaction sometimes is the best action to take.

Reset. Inaction. Cam-Man.

Aside from the new year, the big news in Fish Hack’s world this week is scoring an exclusive on the first likely photograph of OR-7, the wayward wolf making history in Oregon and getting Fish Hack internet clicks on five continents.

Missed it? Check out the story and photo HERE.

Cam-Man not only had his trail camera snap a photo that is going viral world-wide, he’s proving how hunters with trail cameras are becoming the citizen journalists of the backwoods.

Fish Hack explore this notion in detail in Friday’s Oregon Outdoors section. Check it out.

Here we are back at Three-Word Thursday, with Fish Hack finally returning to the Fish Wrap after more than a week on the lam.

It’s what legitimate employees may call vacation, but just how to outdoor writers truly get away from anything that resembles work?

We go sit in other peoples’ cubicles, of course.

Cubicles. Credit. Destination.

Spent a week toting the Tax Deductions around, then dropping some serious coinage playing Santa. The runts have known the ol’ man is Mr. Claus. Why?

If I’m gonna shell out all that disposable income on crap, then Fish Hack wants credit for it.

“Call of Duty?” That’s from Fish Hack and not the fat fantasy dude.

New basketball shoes? Hack.

Check toward a new iPad? Hack.

Bball socks? Hack again.

That’s how Fish Hack rolls.

 Fish Hack hopes to be rolling toward the Oregon Coast this weekend if the much ballyhooed rains show up and swell the Chetco River enough to make it a primo New Years steelheading destination.

But it will be fishing as work, of course. And what does Fish Hack get for wetting a line on a major national holiday?

Time and a half, baby!

Here we are at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is watching coast anglers do the rain dance but hoping that any precip stays west of Grants Pass.

Low, cold flows mean good summer steelhead fishing in winter on the upper Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

Don’t rain on Hack’s parade.

Rain. Done. Summer.

The Elk, Sixes and Chetco rivers all need a nice splash of wetness to jump-start early winter steelhead fishing there.

But Fish Hack isn’t done playing with the summer steelhead on the upper Rogue.

The paradoxes are huge. Summers in winter.

Why is it good?

Check out Friday’s Oregon Outdoors for the details.

As for you degenerates in the crowd, tonight’s NFL game is a snoozer. Atlanta’s getting 11 points at home against J’ville, whose players are already getting their golf clubs ready for the off-season.

Lay the points and take the team in the playoff hunt.

BOOK IT!