HAIKU MONDAY: On Winter Steelhead in Shorts

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is planning on winter steelhead fishing in shorts this week. It’s the bizzaro flip-side to fishing for summer steelhead in two layers of fleece in January.

It’s just part of the glory that is steelhead fishing in the upper Rogue River, Fish Hack’s home waters.

Catch winters in spring/Find summers in the winter./Whacky Rogue steelhead.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazulian style about the outdoors and whatever else flies onto the keyboard, with the only real thought being in the counting of syllables to make these stupid haiku’s pencil out.

Haiku math is rough./Seventeen syllables hurt/Hack’s brain. Insert joke.

The upper Rogue is hitting its peak for winter steelhead fishing just as the weather threatens to hit 80 degrees.

That’s the thing when you have a river of year-round steelhead fishing.

Hack’s on pace to prove it. Put at least one steelhead in my driftboat each month since June. Two more to go.

The April fish should come easily. It’s the May steelhead that has Hack worried about coming up short on the year-round steelhead gig.

One steelhead in May:/If Hack had a soul, it’s sold/For year-round steelhead.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Monthly Steelhead, Rogue Flows and a New Schtick

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is waiting out this-here short storm to get back on the upper Rogue and get that April steelhead.

Then it will be 11 straight months of catching at least one stelhead on the same 20-mile stretch of the Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

The year of steelhead/Best river fish, every month./That’s why Hack lives here.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinklked in as the shtick.

Hack’s new stchick, though, is to catch a Rogue steelhead on the same river stretch for 12 consecutive months. Picked a good year to do it.

The upper Rogue’s winter steelhead run to date has been one of the better over the 2000s. Just how good? Friday’s Oregon Outdoors will tell you.

That-there’s called a “tease.”/Prep you to read it Friday./Get more clicks, baby!

The good thing about the on-going storm moving through the Rogue Valley today is it won’t blow out the upper Rogue like Friday night’s storm did. Flows at Dodge will stay under 4,000 cfs, but be wary of dirty water in the morning. Flows from Lost Creek Lake are remaining at just 1,400 cfs, so there’s far more trib water in the Rogue than clean reservoir water.

Love that clean water./That’s why we still have steelhead./Keeps Hack here, employed.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On French-Kissing Steelhead, Yarn Balls and Eggs

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack finally got that other form of March Madness out of the way without having to rely on Mercer to win and the Shockers to tap out.

Got that March steelhead caught Sunday on the upper Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

That’s 10 straight months of catching at least one steelhead on those hallowed home waters. 

French kiss that yarn ball/Steelhead takes bait, streak alive./Ten down, two to go.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with a few forms of bad Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

And don’t poach the schtick./Bloggers, find your own dumb tricks/Not “Haiku Tuesday.”

While other online dopes are munching on their March Madness brackets, let’s just say Fish Hack still has his Final Four intact. That egg on the cheeks of pundits who picked Creighton and Duke is starting to smell much like Fish Hack’s bait fridge.

Picking the Final Four is easier than figuring out how to get those last two months of a steelheader’s year filled while fishing strictly on the company’s dime.

Remember, Fish Hack has caught a steelhead on his home waters every month since June. Catching steelhead year-round in Hack’s back yard is why I’m in my 26th year underachieving at this-here Fish Wrap.

The fact that Hack’s virtually unemployable elsewhere is true, but irrelevant.

Because one man’s hiring freeze is another man’s job security.

Can’t fire Fish Hack/If you can’t replace the dude./Jobbing the job? Course.

Figure on a late-run winter steelhead in early April, and an early-run summer steelhead in late May.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Big Flows and a Dropping Rogue

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack will be busy working on the MM bracket to win some coin off a few Dudes in the MT Sports Department.

They hate it when Hack schools them on their own games.

Sports guys hate to lose/Money on games they cover./Like Hack gone fish-less.

For those of you who fought high water on the Rogue River to get steelhead this past weekend, it would have helped to wait.

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers tells Hack this morning that they started dialing down the flows ou ot Lost Creek Lake, which had been a rip-roarin’ 3,800 cubic feet per second since early last week. With the reservoir levels back under control, the Corps will drop the releases to 2,900 cfs by Wednesday morning, making for some good fishing this week on the upper Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

Corps drops flow, fish move/Easier for Hack to hook/Big winter steelhead.

 

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. The bad versions of old Japanese poetry is just the schtick that keeps on schticking.

 

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HAIKU MONDAY: On High-Water Steelhead and Turkey Vulture Hygiene

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is watching those stream gauges to figure out when it’s time to truth-test the tips Hack tossed your way about high-water steelhead fishing in Friday’s Fish Wrap.

Miissed it? Read the rag./Hack shows how to rock the Rogue/Click on the piece HERE.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with a few versions of bad Japanese poetry tossed in as the schtick.

Floated the upper Rogue for steelhead Sunday and Fish Hack was able to say happy 2014 to two returnees.

Spied the first osprey of the season, followed shortly by the first turkey vulture of the year.

Two birds signs of spring./Osprey, vultures rock the Rogue/Nice to hear that screech.

While ospreys are a signature Rogue bird, the turkey vulture still ranks at the top of Fish Hack’s list of fave river birds.

Hack adores vultures./Professional courtesy/Hack, bird much alike.

Pariahs, a bit lazy and not really willing to work for its food are obvious shared qualities.

But Hack’s a big fan for something else.

It’s a little-known fact that turkey vultures have a unique version of air conditioning when it gets too hot out there.

The actually pee down their legs to cool them off and to kill bacteria.

Ah, the power of piss.

Those who don’t believe Hack can check it out HERE.

Those who do? Well, it’s probably because you’ve probably already read the “Ode to the Vulture.”

Eat dead fish by morn./Dribble down to your talons./Just because you can.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On February’s Steelhead, Classic Kelts and Turning Fun into Work

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack has checked off February in this-here quest to catch a steelhead in Hack’s home waters of the Rogue River during 12 straight months.

Not only is is nine down with three to go, but that entire calendar year of steelheading could be done within a 25-mile stretch of water.

Steelhead every month./Shows you got priorities:/Live where the fish are.

For you few Haiku Monday vvirgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with a few bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

Fish Hack and MT shooter extraordinaire Jamie Lusch hit the upper Rogue — our home waters — for a half day fun fish Saturday. We don’t get many opportunities to hit the river without the note pad and camera bag open, so this float had a nice easy start to it.

The upper Rogue was cookin’ at about 4,000 cfs, but it was a nice steelhead green. Kept the notepad and camera bag under the fly deck and tried fishing like normal steelhead bums.

Missed two nice ones in the first hour, then hit what has got to be the lamest steelhead possible in February…a spawned-out, 16-inch male summer steelhead.

That’s the smallest adult summer spawning in the Rogue. And it was a kelt, with as much energy as decaf coffee.

While not all steelhead are kelts, all kelts are steelhead. so it counts as a February fish.

Kelts count as steelhead/Lusch was very unimpressed/Almost called BS.

That fish wasn’t even worth pushing it right up to the fish-eye lens to make him appear, oh, like 19 inches.

Thankfully, we moved into lower Catfish and Lusch instantly nailed a legit wild winter steelhead…all 24 1/2 inches of her.

That’s about the smallest adult winter steelhead you’ll find in the Rogue.

So under the Saturday sun Hack put to of the saddest versions of Rogue steelhead in the boat ti get the stink outta February.

The streak is afoot/Steelhead of the Month Club lives/Got Lusch off my A – -!

 Lusch whipped out the Nikon and got a few frams for an upcoming Fish Hack piece on high-water steelheading.

And just like that, our play-time ruined by work. Will have to expense the day now.

It’s not honest work/But it’s our work nonetheless/Can’t suck to be us.

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THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Streak. Avocation. Gem.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is waiting for the first real storm in464 days to get it on and get it off so Hack can start stalking steelhead like any underachiever worth a garage full of empties should be.

Gotta catch that February steelhead and keep the streak alive.

Streak. Avocation. Gem.

Fish Hack and Fish Wrap shooter extraordinaire Jaime Lusch were wasting time lamenting at the low flows in the Rogue River — Fish Hack’s home waters — when we realized Hack has caught at least one steelhead in every month since June.

That puts Hack four months away from catching a steelhead in the same river every month for a year.

The Rogue is one of the few rivers in the world where that’s an option, let alone an avocation.

One of Hack’s best qualities is a distinct lack of goals. But living along this gem of a resource makes Hack think catching at least one Rogue steelhead per month for the rest of this-here run at the Fish Wrap ought to be the one.

 

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Haiku Co-opts, Moose Roasts and FCC Limitations

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is still cleaning up after a haiku-writing party broke out during Moose Night at the Fish Shack.

Seems like everyone figures that, if Fish Hack can get paid to write stupid haikus, perhaps they should, too.

Hey! Find your own schtick./Don’t co-opt Fish Hack’s haikus./Real poems are too long.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the heretofore said schtick.

As in FISH HACK’S schtick.

Cooked a moose roast in the smoker Friday for a few friends who also happen to be regular Haiku Monday peeps. Yadayadayada, it turns out that apparently TV people think they can out-Hack Hack when it comes to the five syllables, seven syllables five syllables genre that is about as long a poem as Hack’s attention span can capture.

So they turn idle conversation into haikus, constantly revamping their comments to conform with this,…um…”discipline” while counting on their fingers. The Dateline guy needed both hands to meter out the second line, while the local TV boss thankfully managed to count out 17 syllables without taking his shoes off.

Haikus not for wimps/Or TV dudes with good hair./Step back, learn something.

They managed to write down all or parts of their favorites. Found their missives littering the kitchen floor Saturday.

Can’t print a single one, and this from a guy who has regularly penned terms like “butt-cheeks” and “ice-holes” in semi-legit fishing columns. Maybe a few of theirs could sneak onto late-night cable. Make Fish Hack seem down-right prudish.

Give up haikus…NOW./That’s the FCC talkin.’/Make Hack seem saintly.

 

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THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Drought. Tongue. Bump.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where all that naked twerking is finally bringing rain, but even that won’t solve Southern Oregon’s water woes.

Even as the rain falls, Lost Creek Lake will be even farther behind its filling schedule than it was today as the storms begin.

Hack’s ready to start using the D word PDQ.

Drought. Tongue. Bump.

Yes, drought. Haven’t run off the tongue since 2001, but already conditions are worse now than that year.

Stream forecasts aren’t looking to bump up significantly despite the mountains expecting about 2 feet of snow and Medford 3 inches of rain over the ensuing week.

Full story by your’s truly in today’s Mail Tribune.

 

 

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Sub-par Bowl, No Snow Woes and Omaha Push-Back

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is sad to see his Bunco buds crying in their Coors over opportunity lost.

But say what you want, Peyton. Your fans consider owning three of the five worst Sub-par Bowl blow-outs as, officially, an embarrassment.

 Failing at wrong times/Dooms perception of you, Dude./Ask Eli how it’s done.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins still out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever else comes flying out of these fingers.

First weekend in February brings the Super Bowl and the first serious look at the snowpack, and even a 20-percent of average pack is better than what passed for a football game. Nice safety, and then it got back.As unwatchable as a show on fly-fishing for carp.

Hey, Peyton: Omaha called./They want their name back.

But bad audibles or not, at least Manning can wake up today knowing it will get better.

Can’t say that about the pack, tho.

Check out Fish Hack’s missive on the snowpack HERE.

No snow on Mt. A./Tax Deduction heads to Bend./He’s chasing the snow.

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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