THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Creamy. Performance-Enhancer. Bother.

Here we are again at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack can “shed” a little light on why Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis (allegedly) used deer-antler spray to speed up his recovery from a triceps tear to compete in Sunday’s Super Bowl.

He could have made it back two weeks earlier had he used elk-antler spray. Bigger critter with way-larger antlers.  But the creamy white butt he’d develop would have been a sure give-away.

Creamy. Performance-Enhancer. Bother.

The concept that deer-antler spray would somehow give someone an illegal leg-up over non-sprayers is as astonishing as it is under-used.

The spray that Lewis as well as several Alabama players allegedly used before their 2011 football championship is banned by the NFL and NCAA as a performance-enhancer.

Who would have known that a little forked-horned buck could give Lewis just enough to win a Super Bowl on the eve of his retirement.

The lesson here is Mr. Parks and Rec Hoopster: Buck up, literally. Maybe your can use some PEDs to elevate your jump shot enough to slip two dimes under your shoes.

And to Crappie Roll-Caster among the fly-fishing ilk, maybe deer-antler spray can elevate your lame-ass roll cast to 14 feet instead of the historical 6.

Elk-antler spray should get you out there a full 16 feet. Not good enough to tag out on the Applegate River during winter steelhead season, but far enough to scratch a few.

So don’t bother.

Stay tuned to Fish Hack’s Super Bowl bets in BOOK IT! Friday…on Friday.

 

 

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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