HAIKU MONDAY: On Tax Deduction Hoops, Donor Days and Bass-Tracker Steelhead

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is livin’ large celebrating some familial milestones as well as reminding Rogue Valley anglers they can catch steelhead not just from driftboats…but also from Bass Trackers.

Bass boats for steelhead?Hack sounds like he’s looped again./Nope? Sobering thought.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. But there’s always a few forms of bad Japanese poetry to keep this schtick schticking.

It’s stupid. Hack knows./Need gimmicks in cyber world./It’s all about hits.

With excellent weather and plenty of fresh winter steelhead around, you’d figure Hack would be out running the upper Rogue River’s Pucker Rapid and pounding the steelhead around the old Gold Ray Dam.

But he was not to be seen.

Spent the weekend bleacher-butting through the seventh grade state basketball championships in Bend, where Tax Deduction No. 2′ North Medford squad cut through Portland teams like budda.

The Grant coach yelled No Mas when they down 28 with 10 minutes to go, begging the refs for a running clock.

North lost in the semi’s on a gift Pendleton 3. Settled for third.

Could have won it all./Foul trouble sinks North girls./They’ll be back…BOOK IT!

You’ll see these girls in the Fish Wrap once they hit high school.

 Monday’s next lame haiku is in homage to The Donor reaching birthday No. 73. Yep, Donor Day. You’d figure by that age he’d have to wear his name tag upside-down all the time, but he’s still kickin’ it and balling himself three afternoons a week.

But The Donor doesn’t engineer the fast break any more like TD#2 does.

Thanks for the seed, Dad./Gets you no breaks from Fish Hack/Just eat your toast, man..

And that brings Fish Hack to explaining what you steelheaders think is Hack’s mind-fart about big steelhead and bass boats.

Seems like one of Fish Hack’s loyal readers — OK. Fish Hack’s ONE loyal reader — has been beating up on the survivors of the excess adult hatchery summer steelhead released Feb. 8 in Emigrant Lake instead of getting trucked from Cole Rivers Hatchery to a landfill.

Missed the Page One piece in Oregon Outdoors? Check it out HERE.

Most anglers have given up on these fish, But Dude is catching them by the dozen casting Blue Fox spinners.

Where? They’re now staging off the reservoir’s tributaries, just like they would had they remained in the river. Slide in on your Bass Tracker’s electric motor and cast away.

Sure, they look bright. But they’re not. They’re spawned-out kelts, not worth smoking for your ex- mother-in-law.

 Emigrant hogs live./Old steelhead still worth catching./Just don’t take it home.

 Kinda like what Hack’s ex-mother-in-law used to say.

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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