HAIKU MONDAY: On ‘Nook-Free Sunday and Justifiable Herbicide

e back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is back in the Fish Wrap to relax and recoupe from a Sunday full of justifiable herbicide.

Didn’t turn any Rogue River chinook eyes into X’s. But put the ass-wup to the testosterone-suckers in front of the Fish Shack — rose bushes..

Hack whacked his roses/Adding a Y chromosome/To Hack’s Fishing Shack.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever else comes to mind.

Like roses.

There are the many non-sequiturs that make up Fish Hack’s existence, and fewer have less curb-side appeal than the many fancy rose bushes that line the lot.

Unlike grass, you can’t just kill them by ignoring them. They grow to 8 feet and bulge onto the sidewalk in truly unneighborly fashion.

So Hack’s neighbor mentions the out-of-control rosebushes Saturday.

Blame the deed and not the breed, bro.

When roses attack:/How one flowery bush kills/Tranquil neighborhood.

But then it turns out one attacked his 2-year-old grandson, so it was time to put the hurt to the offending bush.

Four hours later and with much help from Tax Deduction No. 1, the rose carcass filled a borrowed trailer, with only the faint dripping of petals from the trailer door offering any hint of the herbal carnage that took place.

Now the neighbor kid can run blood-free down the street and the Fish Shack looks much more manly despite no chinook carcasses stinking up the garbage.

Gotta whack a ’nook/So the Fish Shack smells like Dude/And not fresh ester.

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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