HAIKU MONDAY: On Haiku Co-opts, Moose Roasts and FCC Limitations

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is still cleaning up after a haiku-writing party broke out during Moose Night at the Fish Shack.

Seems like everyone figures that, if Fish Hack can get paid to write stupid haikus, perhaps they should, too.

Hey! Find your own schtick./Don’t co-opt Fish Hack’s haikus./Real poems are too long.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the heretofore said schtick.

As in FISH HACK’S schtick.

Cooked a moose roast in the smoker Friday for a few friends who also happen to be regular Haiku Monday peeps. Yadayadayada, it turns out that apparently TV people think they can out-Hack Hack when it comes to the five syllables, seven syllables five syllables genre that is about as long a poem as Hack’s attention span can capture.

So they turn idle conversation into haikus, constantly revamping their comments to conform with this,…um…”discipline” while counting on their fingers. The Dateline guy needed both hands to meter out the second line, while the local TV boss thankfully managed to count out 17 syllables without taking his shoes off.

Haikus not for wimps/Or TV dudes with good hair./Step back, learn something.

They managed to write down all or parts of their favorites. Found their missives littering the kitchen floor Saturday.

Can’t print a single one, and this from a guy who has regularly penned terms like “butt-cheeks” and “ice-holes” in semi-legit fishing columns. Maybe a few of theirs could sneak onto late-night cable. Make Fish Hack seem down-right prudish.

Give up haikus…NOW./That’s the FCC talkin.’/Make Hack seem saintly.

 

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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