Author Archives: Mark Freeman

Mark Freeman

I’ve underachieved as the Mail Tribune’s Fish Hack since 1989. I can’t help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk — Fire hazard. YEAH!

HAIKU MONDAY: On Unruly hikers, dirty water laws and Satanic Steelhead.

By Mark Freeman | Published: August 30, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack remains puzzled why soooo many visiting queens, princesses and their attaches are all walking their dogs on the Jacksonville Woodlands trails? They have to have diplomatic immunity if they all believe that leash laws are for other people’s dogs, not their precious little yippers. Leash your dog, Goofballs./It’s a [...]
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THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Unnecessary. Inconsistent. Sucks.

By Mark Freeman | Published: August 26, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack has room for everyone except those annoying people who set the horn level on their automatic card-door lock extra loud and wait until they’re 40 feet away to hit “lock.” You people make more unnecessary noise than Tax Deduction No. 2 singing with her iPod on. And don’t chalk that [...]
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HAIKU MONDAY:

By Mark Freeman | Published: August 16, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is still sleepin’ off the residuals from eight days in Pennsylvania. Of course it was to visit family. No one goes to Pennsylvania on purpose for any other reason, right? Keystone state’s just fine/If you don’t know Oregon./Life is better here. For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is where Fish [...]
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HAIKU MONDAY: On Burning Lakes, Frizzy Bald Guys and the Pitfalls of Vacations

By Mark Freeman | Published: August 9, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack finally is back after a vacation. And just what do outdoor writers choose as the get-away-from-the-toils-of-work location? We go sit in other people’s cubicles. You know, just to get away from the grind. Vacation do’s, don’ts:/Do break ties to the office./Don’t fish…That’s like work. For Haiku Monday virgins, this is [...]
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HAIKU MONDAY: On Lightning, Belching and Betting on the Pigs

By Mark Freeman | Published: July 25, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is looking for a better place to be during a lightning storm than standing in an aluminum driftboat on water waving around 10 feet of graphite. Just waiting to go Ben Franklin on you. Those who tempt lightning/Stare nature in its mean eye./Blink, you end up smoked. For you haiku [...]
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HAIKU MONDAY: On Friendly Steelhead, Driftboats and Bubblegum Worms

By Mark Freeman | Published: July 19, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is busy waiting for the sun to lower so he can put the hurt on some Rogue River summer steelhead. These night fishing trips rock. Evening on the Rogue./Sun goes down, steelhead get hot./Sleep. Wake. Work. Repeat. For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is the day Fish Hack busts a [...]
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THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Teenagers. Pollen. Twitter.

By Mark Freeman | Published: July 14, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack remains more than confused why the phrase “Don’t put your friend in the sofa-bed and fold it up” now must be added to the list of activities Tax Deduction No. 1 and his friends aren’t supposed to do in Hack’s living room. Friggin’ teenagers. At least they put [...]
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HAIKU MONDAY: ON D-Lake, One Big Trout and Algae.

By Mark Freeman | Published: July 11, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is busy pondering this question: If a Tax Deduction falls when it’s the X’s day to take care of him, can you hear him scream? Gert hurt on her time./No need to fund the co-pay/If it ain’t Hack’s day. For Haiku Monday virgins, this is when Fish Hack busts [...]
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THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Underwhelming. Melodrama. Dishonor.

By Mark Freeman | Published: July 8, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where LeFish Hack is planning a one-hour special on ESPN at 9 p.m. EST to announce whether I plan to fish for chinook salmon or summer steelhead Friday on the Rogue River. The suspense is underwhelming. This whole LeBron James crap has more melodrama than prom night. So in homage to tonight’s basketball [...]
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HAIKU MONDAY: On Independence Day, Co-Pays and Nobel’s Blood-Powder

By Mark Freeman | Published: July 5, 2010 | 0 Comments
Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is busy diggin’ Independence Day like most fathers of teenage boys. … Watching their Tax Deductions attempt to blow off a digit or two while messin’ with Alfred Nobel’s blood-powder. When TD No. 1 asked for an extra $20 for more fireworks Sunday, I said I need it for the insurance [...]
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