Fish Hack at the Fish Wrap: Southern Oregon Outdoor Blog

Here we are back at Three-Word Thursday, with Fish Hack finally returning to the Fish Wrap after more than a week on the lam.

It’s what legitimate employees may call vacation, but just how to outdoor writers truly get away from anything that resembles work?

We go sit in other peoples’ cubicles, of course.

Cubicles. Credit. Destination.

Spent a week toting the Tax Deductions around, then dropping some serious coinage playing Santa. The runts have known the ol’ man is Mr. Claus. Why?

If I’m gonna shell out all that disposable income on crap, then Fish Hack wants credit for it.

“Call of Duty?” That’s from Fish Hack and not the fat fantasy dude.

New basketball shoes? Hack.

Check toward a new iPad? Hack.

Bball socks? Hack again.

That’s how Fish Hack rolls.

 Fish Hack hopes to be rolling toward the Oregon Coast this weekend if the much ballyhooed rains show up and swell the Chetco River enough to make it a primo New Years steelheading destination.

But it will be fishing as work, of course. And what does Fish Hack get for wetting a line on a major national holiday?

Time and a half, baby!

Here we are at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is watching coast anglers do the rain dance but hoping that any precip stays west of Grants Pass.

Low, cold flows mean good summer steelhead fishing in winter on the upper Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

Don’t rain on Hack’s parade.

Rain. Done. Summer.

The Elk, Sixes and Chetco rivers all need a nice splash of wetness to jump-start early winter steelhead fishing there.

But Fish Hack isn’t done playing with the summer steelhead on the upper Rogue.

The paradoxes are huge. Summers in winter.

Why is it good?

Check out Friday’s Oregon Outdoors for the details.

As for you degenerates in the crowd, tonight’s NFL game is a snoozer. Atlanta’s getting 11 points at home against J’ville, whose players are already getting their golf clubs ready for the off-season.

Lay the points and take the team in the playoff hunt.

BOOK IT!

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is still trying to thaw out from a Friday on the upper Rogue River adding to this-here Biomass Footprint.

Whacking summer steelhead in conditions that are anything but summer-like.

Summers in winter./Steelhead are always steelhead./Temperatures don’t count.

You few Haiku Monday virgins out there will notice that this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and waxes off about whatever, with some bad Japanese poetry sprinkled in for kicks.

It’s the schtik that keeps on schtiking, all year long.

Gotta have a schtik/To survive in cyber-sphere./Better than butt jokes.

Or not.

Floated Fish Hack’s home waters Friday to add perspective on late-run summer steelhead fishing. Learned a few things.

1. When it’s 26 degrees outside, it’s better to row the driftboat than sit there dressed like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man trying to stay warm.

2. Put a crayfish plug in a fish’s face, it’ll bite regardless of the date.

3. Add a little more alder chips to the smoker to add some flavor and put some color in those marginal-looking fillets.

Late fish, lots of smoke./Fillets are more white than red./December steelhead.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is counting down the non-shopping days until it’s almost too late to fill the sled.

That’s when it’s time to gather up the requisite crap to dish out this-here Christmas.

Need that deadline pressure to make Christmas shopping relevant.

Deadline. Deductions. Book.

Not only are there no presents under Fish Hack’s tree, there’s not even lights on the damn thing. The Tax Deductions have been too busy playing basketball that they have yet to crack the ornament box.

No worries.

In fact, Fish Hack is so unworried about the un-done Christmas deeds that he will be steelhead fishing Friday on the upper Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

It’s for an upcoming column on taking the summer out of summer steelhead.

As for you degenerates who flock to this-here blog strictly for the gambling tips, you’ve got some NFL action tonight that belies the normal formula on over-under proposition bets.

Pittsburgh is at home laying 14 to the Brown, with the over-under at 39.

The Steelers look like a lock to cover, especially with the Browns’ Colt McCoy on a walking boot Tuesday.

Normally with a big lay like that you’d also take the over. But this game looks so one-sided that Cleveland likely won’t score double-digits.

But one garbage-time TD would tube that bet. So tonight is just Pittsburgh minus 14.

Playing it tight is what got Fish Hack to 22-11-4 for the season, and tight tonight it is.

BOOK IT!

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is redefining a Rogue River salmonid species based on the day’s ambient air temperature.

When it’s 26 degrees outside, there is nothing summer about summer steelhead fishing.

Summer? It’s freezing./Water’s twice as warm as air./They’re just steelhead now.

You Haiku Monday virgins just need to check past posts. Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about whatever, with some bad Japanese poetry sprinkled in to make it stand out in cyber-land.

Bad poetry rocks..The schtick just gets the hits, dude./Makes the blog stand out.

The Upper Rogue is Fish Hack’s home waters, and it’s been home to the fab run of summer steelhead since June. These fish are unique in that they are called summers only to differentiate them from their cousin run of winter steelhead that already are in the lower Rogue.

Fishing for summers in December might seem oxymoronic, but now is a great time to hit big fish on plugs in the upper Rogue. They’re a bit dark but the smoker doesn’t care.

And it’s better to be on the sticks in the driftboat than up front. Rowing keep you warm.

Nate Barnard with a colorful 30-inch hatchery summer steelhead caught Wednesday while Fish Hack worked. Damn.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is lamenting how Wednesday was an indoors writer day for this-here outdoor writer while his buds slayed the steelhead on the upper Rogue River.

Nate Barnard of Medford made up for his eight weeks at sea as a merchant marine by anchoring a driftboat whose members hooked 10 summer steelhead Wednesday, boating seven.

He happily texted photos while I banged out some drivel for today’s Meatless Taco. Should have been on the water. Damn.

Damn. Rebel. No-Bet.

This-here steelhead died a valiant death after mistaking a Rebel crawdad plug for a crayfish. He will soon complete his roll in the food chain after a few hours in dad Jeff Barnard’s smoker.

Dude got off his oil tanker just before Thanksgiving and has been hammering the summers since then.

Nate claims to have lost one 36-40 inches at the boat. Even if it was on the short end of that estimation, that’s one damn nice summer, but no one likes a braggart.

On that note, Fish Hack heads into tonight’s NFL game at 22-11 on bets. That’s like adding an extra pay check a month from the Fish Wrap.

Tonight’s game has Philly getting 3 at Seattle. Bad team verses a bad team.

It’s a no-bed night.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is checking rumors of some big shadows lingering in lower Rogue River riffles these days.

Could they be…early winter steelhead?

Wouldn’t that rock.

Winter steelhead now?/Early often means plenty/In mystery runs.

You Haiku Monday virgins should just sit back and take this bit of frivolity for what it is: Blather with some bad versions of Japanese poetry sprinkled in for yuks.

It’s all about yuks/So don’t get hot and bothered/On syllable counts.

Reports out of Gold Beach have what appears to be early-run winter steelhead in some lower Rogue riffles, and their presence cannot be over-stated.

OK. Maybe they can be over-stated.

But there’s one thing Fish Hack has learned in 25 years of writing about these-here home waters.

Yes, just one thing.

And that is, when the winter run of steelhead is early, it often indicates a good run.

Early means often/When it comes to winter fish./Take it to the bank.

And it couldn’t come at a better time. This year’s summer run of steelhead has been something of a groaner.

A little bit vanilla for Fish Hack’s liking.

Not that vanilla is bad. Just needs some toppings now and then.

Hopefully, that comes soon.

Here come the winters/to turn vanilla tasty./Catch them while you can.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is in full regalia at the Fish Shack cookin’ the Thursday bird and bettin’ on football.

With high water, rain and wind, what better way to spend the best holiday of the year — by over-eating and over-betting.

Over-betting. Slumber. Mooch.

Got that fresh 15-pounder in the oven, basted by yours truly every 20 minutes. At halftime of the Lions-Packers game, Fish Hack will start hacking on that leg meat one fork at a time until the bird’s done.

Glad it’s raining and blowing outside. No reason to fish today. But the Chetco might be calling Saturday afternoon for some big chinook. Depends what’s up with the coast rain later today.

For now, though, it’s work on the temporary girth of both Fish Hack’s waist and wallet.

The turkey takes care of the waist, here’s how to fatten that wallet.

First, you got Detroit-Green Bay. Detroit’s a 6.5-point dog and that bet is tempting. But look for a slug-fest that makes the 56-point over-under looking pretty low. Take the under.

This afternoon, in a tip of the hat to The Brother of The Most Significant Other, take Dallas laying 7 against Miami. TMSO’s bro is a Big D fan and will be slumbering in Fish Hack’s sofa today, and he should be a happy mooch by the fourth quarter.

Then finish off the day righteously with San Francisco at Baltimore. SF’s getting 3 points, and you never know what Raven offense will show up.

But both play good D, so bet the under at 38.5 and eat a third plate of turkey in the process.

BOOK IT!

Welcome to a special edition of Haiku Tuesday, where Fish Hack tries to make up for being gone on Monday by chucking out a few non-rhymes to the good of the order.

Late isn’t too late/When it comes to Hack’s haikus./Same crap, different day.

You few Haiku Monday virgins out there should figure it out pretty quickly. Bad Japanese poetry masquerading as work.

Spent the weekend bumping around Montana’s Bitterroot Valley and gotta tell ya, it’s pretty cool. But cold.

Fishing when the temperature is 16 degrees sucks if it were in Celsius. But we had it in Fahrenheit.

Fly-rod guides iced up every two casts. But it didn’t go without some good drama.

Read about it in Friday’s Oregon Outdoors.

Big Bitterroot browns./Could tell the story now, but…/You’ll buy it Friday.

This week’s rains and the ramping up of out-flows from Lost Creek Lake into the upper Rogue River (Fish Hack’s home waters) means the late-run summer steelhead should be moving more. This should trigger a flurry of catches this week for those not suffering from turkey coma.

Here we are again at Three-Word Thursday, when Fish Hack will be practicing addition by subtraction here at the Fish Wrap.

Making the place look and smell a little better by leaving.

Leaving. Flick. Bitterroot.

Heading to Montana for a few days to flick a few flies in the Bitterroot River, far enough away from the Fish Wrap that even the Pinkertons wouldnm’t be able to track Hack down.

Why swing streamers for steelhead in 50-degree weather when you can see how fast your rod guides freeze when its 20 degrees out.

Going for an Outdoor Writers Association meeting in Missoula, but will be playing a bit with some fellow Hacks before-hand. Never fished Montana, so the Bitterroot should be anything but bittersweet.

I hope my Corkers make it through TSA. The last thing I wanna do is slip wading there.

As for tonight’s NFL, look for the Jets to more than cover the 6.5 points they’re giving Tebow. Vegas also has an over-under of 11 on Tebow completions. Like the low on that one, too.

BOOK IT!