HAIKU MONDAY: Post-Vacation Malaise

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is weighing in with the first post of 2015 after a week in the basement thanks to the Fish Wrap’s use-it-or-lose-it policy on vacations.

And just where do outdoor writers go on vacation? We visit other people’s cubicles, just to get away from it all.

Hack bucks work, relax./Insurance salesmen’s the best/cubby. There’s whiskey.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack opines about the outdoors and whatever else comes to mind with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick to stick out in the bloggosphere, a.k.a. Crapland.

Crapland, cyberpit./Every idiot now blogs./Don’t steal haiku schtick.

Winter steelhead are starting to show their metallic heads throughout the middle and lower Rogue, part of Hack’s home waters. Gave it a whirl last week, only the high and muddy and cold water didin’t produce any steelhead.

Now back in the Fish Wrap trying to remember passwords and all the other erased intelligence that occurs when Hack’s gone for a week.

Hack’ll have to call the call center in India for help.

“What’s my password, bro?” /”Sorry, Sir, I don’t know ‘bro.’”/”"Just gimme the code.”

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BOOK IT! Friday: Last 3-Team Parlay of 2014 Keeps the Empties in the Garage Longer

Welcome to the last BOOK IT! Friday Fish Hack will be posting this year, which could still come out ahead for the season thanks to that 9-0 November run through Thanksgiving to make up for the piss-poor September that it was.

Hopefully you Steelhead Bums can hit a three-team parlay Sunday to stave off having to cash out that garage full of empties for fly-tying and gas money. But the rivers are pretty blown out right now anyway, so take note and make the call.

First, there’s New Orleans at Tampa Bay, with the Saints laying 4 points to a bad team just aching to get on the golf course. New Orleans has been one of the biggest disappointments to the 2014 regular season, and there’s a lot more pride on that time than the Jags. Look for Drew Breez to pad his stats in a win, even if it means a crappier draft choice come April.

Pittsburgh going to Cincy and laying four points looks like a cash for the Bengals, but the Steelhers have a lot more to play for than Cincy. Look for Big Ben to have another one of those monster days to get the cover, even if he doesn’t play much in the fourth quarter.

That leaves the marquee game of the day…Detroit at Green Bay. The spread’s been bet up to 9 points thanks to Detroit’s 23-year Wisconsin drought. But this defense is for real and the two-headed running back Bell/Bush will keep a gimpy Aaron Rodgers off the field Take the points.

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Big Water

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is sitting back watchin’ the river flow. And oh, does the Rogue flow.

This past storm was much heftier water-wise than expected.

Rogue blown out for days./Big flows into Lost Creek Lake./Rain-on-snow event.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

Warm, heavy rains after a snowfall is the recipe for all the big floods in Rogue Basin history, and they all seem to happen right around Christmas.

The last big one was in 1964. Read about it HERE.

The Corps of Engineers began the weekend expecting to juggle water releases so Lost Creek Lake rose no more than four feet. Well, it was at a haiku-worthy 16 feet higher and climbing Monday afternoon.

The Corps was releasing 4,000 cubic feet per second at 11:30 a.m., with plans to climb to 6,000 cfs by 5 p.m. But the lake’s still rising, with 21,333 cfs flowing into it at 11:30 a.m.

Rogue is pumping huge./Lots of water, mud, debris./Dam keeps flood in check.

The Rogue would be at flood-stage at Dodge Bridge had Lost Creek dam not shaved the peak off this-here event.

After the natural flow wanes, the Corps will have to release that extra stored water, likely dragging this-here event out deep into the Christmas dead week.

And that might be washing Fish Hack’s Steelhead Christmas right outta here.

Dreams of Christmas fish./Steelhead on a open fire./Jack Frost just nippin’.

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BOOK IT! Friday: Road Warriors That Cash

Welcome back to BOOK IT! Friday, where Fish Hack picks some NFL winners so you steelhead bums can put some cash in your pockets without returning that garage full of empties.

Had a bad weekend last week, but Fish Hack’s coming off the canvas with three road winners, something heard more often than usual this NFL season.

First, there’s Green Bay laying 10 points at Tampa Bay. The Packers haven’t played well this year on the road, and Tampa just hasn’t played well period. The Pack needs this game to make next week’s show-down at home with Detroit mean something. Lay the points.

Detroit travels to Chitown needing just what Green Bay needs…a road win to stay in the division hunt. Fish Hack layed the 4 1/2 points before the news leak that Jimmy Clausen is starting in place of Jay Cutler. That sent the line instantly to 7 points and look for that to climb even more before kickoff.

This ain’t Notre Dame, bro. Detroit covers.

And lastly, New England travels to the Meadowlands to sign that Rex Ryan going-away card. The Jets are getting 10 points, actually bet down from 11 by bettors who think the Hoodie will take his foot off the pedal and rest starters. Luckily, they need this win to stay ahead of Indy for the overall first seed in the AFC and both play in the morning round Sunday. Look for the Pats to keep it rolling with a double-digit win here, then tank it next week

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Steelhead Rumor Mill

Welcome to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack has his eyes aimed West in search of the first winter steelhead in the Rogue Valley this year.

A good slug of early winters usually mean a good run, and rumor has it that there were a slug of ‘em downstream of Rainie Falls before this last rain swelled the Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

Whackin’ winters rocks./Something new to play with close/No coast drive for Hack.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

Cuz in the bloggosphere corner of Cyber Crapland, you need a schtick to stick out.

Haiku schtick fits Hack/Lowbrow humor fits the bill./Still beats honest work.

So the rumors milling around Grants Pass is that the middle Rogue should start boiling with the first of the winter steelhead to hit the valley this year.

Water flows look like they should be bending rods around Ennis Riffle or Hog Creek as early as tomorrow as the Rogue starts to drop.

Pure steelhead knowledge:./River goes up, fish don’t bite./Always fish the drop.

Chances are, you won’t know what a good thing that will be.

One solid about winter steelhead on the Rogue is that an early run usually means a strong run.

Historically, on years the early run are late, it could be a good year or a bad year. But a good early showing usually means us steelhead bums will start playing that “working from home” or “sick kid” cards before Christmas.

 

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BOOK IT! Friday: Playing the Extremes

Welcome back to BOOK IT! Friday, where Fish Hack is laying out some NFL picks so you steelhead bums can turn a buck without having to clear the garage of empties.

Got two extremes for you Fish Heads on Sunday. Chances are the Rogue River, which is Hack’s home waters, will be pulling into steelheading shape around kickoff, so make those phone calls early.

First, there’s Jacksonville at Baltimore. The Ravens are 13 1/2-point faves and that’s a lot to lay. But remember, one of this year’s constants is that Baltimore beats up on bad teams, especially at home. Got those ingredients cookin’ here, so lay the points and watch the blowout commence.

Next is Oakland at K.C., where the Chiefs are 11 1/2-point faves. Oakland may be bad, but they are good against the number (4-2 against the spread on the road) and this is a rivalry game. Take those points and watch the field goal show.

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On High Water and North Chick BBall

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is busy chasing Tax Deduction No. 2 and the rest of the North Medford High School girls varsity basketball team around Southern Oregon.

Rising water in the upper Rogue River made it easy to watch North whack Ashland on Friday, for first win of the season.

The Predator, aka TD#2, led all scorers with 18 in the comeback win.

My Mags: She’s the nuts/People call their dogs Maggie./Can dogs drop 18?

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack has waxed on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors or whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in. It’s the schtick that keeps on schticking.

Planned on steelhead fishing Friday but the upper Rogue River — Hack’s home waters — was on the rise. Tough steelheading in those conditions.

Hung out at the Ashland High gym to watch North sweep the other Bear Creek chicks in hoops.

Number 33/For North. She’s just a Freshman/But she’s Hack’s baller.

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BOOK IT! Friday, Thursday Edition

Here’s some bonus coverage on BOOK IT! Friday, Fish Hack’s way of using NFL wagering against the numbers for you steelhead bums to keep yourself in micro brews and pheasant tails without having to take your empties to that new collection facility.

After a loss-less November, Hack dropped the Turkey Bowl game ‘cuz the Lions scored too many points.

But here are two winners on tonight’s Dallas at Chicago game.

Dallas is favored by 3 1/2 points, largely because they’ve gone 5-0 on the road this year and Jake Cutler’s insulin appears stronger than his arm in recent weeks.

Chicago is just plain bad. Celibates score more at home than the Bears this year. And tonight shouldn’t be much different.

Fish Hack is laying the points and ridin’ Romo. The 51 1/2 point over/under line is pretty egregious. Playin’ the under tonight as well.

BOOK IT!

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BOOK IT! Friday’s Special Turkey Edition

BOOK IT! Friday kicks off early for Thanksgiving and you steelhead bums will need the help picking holiday games so you  can keep cashing tickets instead of returning your empties for micro brew dough and fly-tying materials.

At 8-0 for November, Fish Hack’s Da Man for you.

Got just one pick for Thursday and that’s the Lions-Bears traditional Thanksgiving brawl. Lions are favored by 7 points and that looks pretty good to a former Detroiter who grew up scalping tickets at Lion games. Detroit should win but that’s a tough cover.

Fish Hack sees this game blamed between the 30s, with both teams turning touchdowns into field goals. That’s why Hack’s taking the under at 44.5 points.

Hack’s sleeping it off during the Dallas game, but ready to play big on the night game. New England at Green Bay is a Super Bowl preview, with the home team laying 3 points.

Again, it’s tough giving points to Tom Brady, but the over number is a paltry 57.5 points. Either one of these quarterbacks can take care of that himself. Lovin’ the over.

BOOK IT!

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BOOK IT! FRIDAY:Keep the Streak Alive

Fish Hack is starting to come correct more and more, taking a week off after dialing up a sweet three-team parlay win the week before.

That’s five straight you steelhead bums have hit playing Hack’s picks, allowing the micro-brew bottles to stack in the garage for someone else to cash.

Down to business…

The number to know in the Jets at Bills game isn’t the spread. It’s 70, as in inches of snow coating one of the Rustbelt’s rustiest towns. Love the under at 38 1/2 by two decent defenses with struggling offenses and a lot of running out the clock.

The Lions at New England has a feel like the Steelers soiling themselves against the Browns after two big-time scoring dates. Brady’s been lightin’ the town ablaze, but he hasn’t played a very good defense like the Lions, who help keep this under 49 points by systematically turning touchdowns into field goals.

And lastly there’s an upset abrewin’.

Not only is Cincy getting 2 points at Houston a nice get, the Bungles will right the ship and win it outright. Take ‘em.

BOOK IT!

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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