Fish Hack at the Fish Wrap: Southern Oregon Outdoor Blog

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is tired of fishing for winter steelhead on the home waters of the Rogue River in low and clear conditions that mimic October and not March.

Glad to see that’s about to change.

Rain finally will come./Rogue needs to rise, warm, color./Last push of season.

For you three Haiku Monday virgins still out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. Sprinkled in are a few bad forms of old Japanese poetry, just as a schtick.

You need something to stand out in the blogosphere.

Talent would sure help/But Hack’s got limited skills./Relies on the schtick.

Rain’s coming mid-week, and the forecast sees the Rogue finally getting some flows. Not only will it bring a flurry of late-run winters to Hack’s home waters of the upper Rogue, it will bring a few early spring chinook salmon this way.

Saw two roll Saturday downstream of TouVelle State Park. Went three-for-three on steelhead for a damn good low-water day.

The first springer of the upper Rogue’s season had its eyes turned into X’s at least a month earlier than normal. And the dude that caught it actually was trying to catch a springer March 7 at, of all places, the end of the line.

The Hatchery Hole, 157 miles from where he shoulda been fishing.

Missed the story in Friday’s Oregon Outdoors? Check it out HERE.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is livin’ large celebrating some familial milestones as well as reminding Rogue Valley anglers they can catch steelhead not just from driftboats…but also from Bass Trackers.

Bass boats for steelhead?Hack sounds like he’s looped again./Nope? Sobering thought.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. But there’s always a few forms of bad Japanese poetry to keep this schtick schticking.

It’s stupid. Hack knows./Need gimmicks in cyber world./It’s all about hits.

With excellent weather and plenty of fresh winter steelhead around, you’d figure Hack would be out running the upper Rogue River’s Pucker Rapid and pounding the steelhead around the old Gold Ray Dam.

But he was not to be seen.

Spent the weekend bleacher-butting through the seventh grade state basketball championships in Bend, where Tax Deduction No. 2′ North Medford squad cut through Portland teams like budda.

The Grant coach yelled No Mas when they down 28 with 10 minutes to go, begging the refs for a running clock.

North lost in the semi’s on a gift Pendleton 3. Settled for third.

Could have won it all./Foul trouble sinks North girls./They’ll be back…BOOK IT!

You’ll see these girls in the Fish Wrap once they hit high school.

 Monday’s next lame haiku is in homage to The Donor reaching birthday No. 73. Yep, Donor Day. You’d figure by that age he’d have to wear his name tag upside-down all the time, but he’s still kickin’ it and balling himself three afternoons a week.

But The Donor doesn’t engineer the fast break any more like TD#2 does.

Thanks for the seed, Dad./Gets you no breaks from Fish Hack/Just eat your toast, man..

And that brings Fish Hack to explaining what you steelheaders think is Hack’s mind-fart about big steelhead and bass boats.

Seems like one of Fish Hack’s loyal readers — OK. Fish Hack’s ONE loyal reader — has been beating up on the survivors of the excess adult hatchery summer steelhead released Feb. 8 in Emigrant Lake instead of getting trucked from Cole Rivers Hatchery to a landfill.

Missed the Page One piece in Oregon Outdoors? Check it out HERE.

Most anglers have given up on these fish, But Dude is catching them by the dozen casting Blue Fox spinners.

Where? They’re now staging off the reservoir’s tributaries, just like they would had they remained in the river. Slide in on your Bass Tracker’s electric motor and cast away.

Sure, they look bright. But they’re not. They’re spawned-out kelts, not worth smoking for your ex- mother-in-law.

 Emigrant hogs live./Old steelhead still worth catching./Just don’t take it home.

 Kinda like what Hack’s ex-mother-in-law used to say.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is hoping to parlay a great weekend of winter steelhead fishing on the upper Rogue River into a good few days of fishing in the guise of work.

When you’re the Fish Hack and the steelhead run is hopping, life is good.

Hack fishes for work./Sure beats rockin’ the office./Hack can’t do real work.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. The schtick is the few forms of ancient Japanese poetry sprinkled in…just to be different, and irreverent.

Do you like Haikus?/Better steer clear of Fish Hack/Cuz this is a joke.

Floated Fish Hack’s fave slot Saturday on the Upper Rogue — Hack’s home waters. And these are truly home waters from TouVelle down past Pucker Rapid to Fisher’s Ferry. Lots of awesome steelhead water but most driftboaters don’t do it because of Pucker.

Wanna know why? Check out this old column when your’s truly named Pucker HERE.

Fish Hack and best bud Jeff Barnard hit that stretch Saturday, putting three fish to the boat and another two in the boat. Had doubles near the Sewer Hole. The damn things tangled right off the transom, so two on turned into none one.

Show me two fish on/That means no fish in the boat./Doubles:Rush, but suck.

At least Barnard turned the eyes into X’s on this red-hot 29 1/2-inch buck. Tasted great.

Barnard and his pig steelhead

Back at work at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is living the axiom about the weather.

Write a piece for Friday saying its dry, and it rains Thursday.

As I quite the great Mike Tyson from an earlier Three-Word Thursday…”Courf.”

Courf. Bonafide. Lame.

Missed the Courf reference? Check out Iron Mike HERE.

February has been brutally dry here in the Rogue Valley, and that has put a damper on a winter steelhead season on the Rogue River that started hot and heavy. Some of the best early February fishing on the upper Rogue has all but dried out as low and cold water has slowed steelhead migration to less than a crawl.

Twenty-five bonafide winter steelhead have reached Cole Rivers Hatchery so far.
That’s lame.

That’s why smart anglers are finding their way to the Galice area, where February fishing is always good during spates of no rain.

Check it out a full story on the topic in Friday’s Oregon Outdoors either on your doorstep or on your computer screen.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where all eyes gaze west toward two of the best sightings Rogue River anglers can find in February.

Turkey vultures circling over Gold Beach and sea lions swimming near the Rogue jetties mean just one things…the springers are coming.

Buzzards, sea lions/They’re here cuz Rogue springers are./Big fish on their way.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever comes to mind, with a few bad forms of Japanese poetry sprinkled in because that’s Hack’s schtick that keeps on schticking.

Gotta have a schtick/To stand out in cyberspace./Hack’s got little game.

Sea lions and turkey vultures always foreshadow the first springers moving into the Rogue bay. That leads Fish Hack to predict the first springer will be caught by the next Haiku Monday.

Bold prediction, Hack./Look stupid if fish don’t show./But Hack’s used to that.

This year’s springer run should be the best of the 21st Century.

Remember, last year’s run of 3-year-old chinook in the Klamath River was a record.

The Klamath run is dominated by 3-year-old chinook; the Rogue’s springer run is dominated by 4-year-old chinook.

Last year’s 3-year-olds are age 4 this year.

Hack can’t wait for spring./Best eating fish in the state./Rogue springers so rock.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is hoping the incoming storms wash away Wednesdaqy’s ignominious number — 1949.

Besides being a good year for single-malt scotch, it also happens to the the cubic feet per second of water flowing at the Gold Ray Dam site on the upper Rogue River, Fish Hack’s home waters.

For mid-February, that ain’t right.

Ignominious. Horse. Partake

Winter steelhead fishing is slower than it certainly could be right now thanks to low, clear and cold water. Fresh winters just aren’t moving — just a dozen entered Cole Rivers Hatchery all of last week. But higher, warmer water with a little color to it will get these steelhead on their horse and into the upper Rogue so Fish Hack can boat his fave float without having th drive to Merlin for action.

The flow at Gold Ray looks like it will peak Saturday afternoon around 4,000 cfs, then start dropping. That’s when the fish will be on the move and willing to bite.

Luckily, Tax Deduction No. 2 has no basketball this weekend after her team smoked the field last weekend at a tourney in Salem.

So for steelhead, Sunday will be a day to partake.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack has joined the masses in waiting for a little water to jump-start winter steelhead fishing.

Sitting around looking at low, clear and cold flows makes Fish Hack think a day stuck in the office wouldn’t be too bad — as long as he makes up for coming in late by leaving early.

Sitting eight hours/Seriously? That ain’t Hack./More like a Zombie

For you few Haiku Monday virgins left out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind…just because he can. And a little Japanese poetry as the schtick.

Give Fish Hack a blog/And what else did you expect?/Can’t conform. Why try?

Flows at less than 2,000 cfs in the upper Rogue River makes Hack’s home waters non-pliable for steelhead.

It’s forecast to bump up a bit later this week when a slight sprinkle will bring a little water.

Until then, might as well plant it on the butt-cheeks at the Fish Wrap like today, because the Fish Wrap doesn’t acknowledge these secondary holidays as, well, holidays.

Off Presidents’ Day?/Not at Fish Wraps country-wide./Brutal day at work.

Paul Hoobyar with a 30-inch chrome Rogue River winter steelhead, the last fish of the day.

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is letting the steelhead out of the bag by declaring that the upper Rogue River — Fish Hack’s home waters — is officially open for business.

Fresh steelhead are now spread out Rogue-wide, and the upper Rogue has plenty enough fish for us locals to stay home instead of hitting Galice or Grants Pass for our February steelhead fix.

The steelhead are here./Whack a limit close to home./Beats all that driving.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins still out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind.

Plus a little Fish Porn whenever possible.

Here’s former Rogue guide Paul Hoobyar with one of the three chromers Fish Hack rowed him into Saturday on the upper Rogue. Included a 30-inch hatchery fish that saw its eyes turned into X’s with the ceremonious nip from the flask and rip of the gill.

X-ing out those eyes/Puts fresh fish on the table/And a whiskey pull.

Hooked seven, boated three. Nice day on Hack’s fave stretch.

That’s about a month earlier than Hack used to get that kind of action upstream ofwhat used to be Gold Ray Dam.

Is dam-removal the reason?

Too many variables to say. Steelhead actually a few weeks later than last year. It’s more about water flows and temperatures than dams in the way. Those cold stretches that we’ve had the past two months don’t help getting the steelhead on their horse.

But 3-for-7 on Feb. 9 is a hell of a early run.

Like Hack says…if they’re here early, steelhead tend to be here often.

Good start to season:/Fresh steelhead in upper Rogue/Hack’s home waters rock.

Here we are at Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is weighing in a little late in honor of today’s distinction at being the country’s least productive business day of the year.

Post-Super Bowl hangovers and BS-ing in the coffee room on whether the 49ers got jobbed is more important than doing your job today.

Super Bowl Monday/Breaths smell like beer and nachos/Wallet filled with ones.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever comes to mind. Gambling always gets a nod.

Fish Hack had the Ravens but rooted for the Niners, so that non-call in the end zone could have given Fish Hack a rare double-dip by rooting for the winner and cashing on the cover.

Did hit a square at our fab friends’ annual party, which put a big enough wad of ones in Fish Hack’s back pocket that Hack would have earned VIP treatment at the Brass Rail.

Strip-club bankroll: Ones./Wallet’s too big to sit on./Throws Fish Hack’s back out.

Super Bowl hangover comes with full knowledge that millions of Americans join Southern Oregon rivers with a serious need for hydration.

A lack of rain has coastal streams too low, clear and cold for good winter steelhead fishing despite excellent returns of hatchery and wild fish.

Hope to get a little precip by Saturday, when Fish Hack plans to his the Galice stretch of the Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

Fish your home waters/Like they owe you a steelhead./Be grateful for it.

Here we are again at Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack can “shed” a little light on why Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis (allegedly) used deer-antler spray to speed up his recovery from a triceps tear to compete in Sunday’s Super Bowl.

He could have made it back two weeks earlier had he used elk-antler spray. Bigger critter with way-larger antlers.  But the creamy white butt he’d develop would have been a sure give-away.

Creamy. Performance-Enhancer. Bother.

The concept that deer-antler spray would somehow give someone an illegal leg-up over non-sprayers is as astonishing as it is under-used.

The spray that Lewis as well as several Alabama players allegedly used before their 2011 football championship is banned by the NFL and NCAA as a performance-enhancer.

Who would have known that a little forked-horned buck could give Lewis just enough to win a Super Bowl on the eve of his retirement.

The lesson here is Mr. Parks and Rec Hoopster: Buck up, literally. Maybe your can use some PEDs to elevate your jump shot enough to slip two dimes under your shoes.

And to Crappie Roll-Caster among the fly-fishing ilk, maybe deer-antler spray can elevate your lame-ass roll cast to 14 feet instead of the historical 6.

Elk-antler spray should get you out there a full 16 feet. Not good enough to tag out on the Applegate River during winter steelhead season, but far enough to scratch a few.

So don’t bother.

Stay tuned to Fish Hack’s Super Bowl bets in BOOK IT! Friday…on Friday.