HAIKU MONDAY: On Pasty Legs and The Flying Tax Deduction

Fish Hack and TD#2 on Mt. Batch

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is rolling in shorts and flip-plops, and that’s a bad thing beyond the pasty appendages.

It’s not supposed to be mid-60s in late January.

Snowpack’s sucking bad./Boarder son needs to catch air./Must travel to Bend.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. The bad forms of old Japanese poetry is the schtick to stick out in Internet Crapland.

Tax Deduction No. 1 is a top snow bum like the Old Man is a steelhead bum…except OM gets paid for it and TD#2 hopes to match that some day.

The kid can bomb on the hills. Fish Hack doesn’t ski or snowboard, so most of what Hack sees of TD#2 in action are short vids of tricks — any of which would get him banned from Mt. A for a year.

Front flip, then back flip?/Better carry twenty bucks:/Hospital co-pay.

Did see him go aerial during last spring’s state championships at Mt. Bachelor in the midst of a snowstorm.

Hack dons the bloody yellow Gortex boat pants and mingles with the Snow People on the hillside next to the 60-foot jump. TD#2 stops by during a practice run and I asked him if he has his tricks planned.

“I’m gonna do a front flip off the big jump,” he says. “I’ll get DQed, but I’ll win the crowd.”

Did a 360 instead.

The Flying Tax Deduction and the rest of his teammates are doin’ the big practice commute to Bend for the foreseeable future. Mt. Ashland’s snowless and the forecasts aren’t looking like that’s changing.

Tax Deduction woes:/Sucks to be a Fish Hack spawn/If you can’t catch air.

 

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Dropping Rogue and Wild Steelhead

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is in the Fish Wrap spending Martin Luther King Jr. day the way most Hacks do — trying to milk a articles from a vapid pool of resources.

Only news wonks work holidays like this.

Hack stuck in Fish Wrap/No one’s answering the phone./Non-productive day.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with a few bad forms of old Japanese poetry tossed in as the schtick to stick out in this crapland known as cyberspace.

Crapland: So much noise./Every douche now writes a block./No one left to read.

There are several dozen places better to be right now than on this blog, with the middle Rogue River one of the best. The water this afternoon was at 5,750 cfs and dropping faster than the price of Super Bowl tickets in Green Bay.

The winter steelhead fishing should be blowing up there today and likely will stay hot well into the week.

A good early showing of winters often means a good year, and bio’s are predicting one on the Rogue. See Hack’s Oregon Outdoors story about this phenomenon HERE. .

Stop reading, go fish./Read bogs at night when bite’s off./Burning daylight’s wrong.

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THREE-WORD THURSDAY: Steelhead. Playa. Weather.

Welcome back to Three-Word Thursday, where Fish Hack is waiting for a change in the weather to catch the first winter steelhead of the season without having to travel to the Chetco River to do it.

Steelhead. Playa. Weather.

Looks like the late December storms drew fish all the way to the upper Rogue, which happens to be Fish Hack’s home waters. But usually the first valley fish are caught in the Galice area in mid January and then below the mouth of the Applegate by Feb. 1. But everyone’s a playa now that fresh steelhead are river-wide…even up to Murphy Dam on the Applegate.

One of the adages of Rogue runs of the past is, if the steelhead aren’t early, it doesn’t mean anything. But if they are early, it usually signifies a good run.

.Unfortunately, the low and cold water makes catches tough up here until the weather breaks next week.

Then it’s time to get your steelhead on.

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HAIKU MONDAY: Post-Vacation Malaise

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is weighing in with the first post of 2015 after a week in the basement thanks to the Fish Wrap’s use-it-or-lose-it policy on vacations.

And just where do outdoor writers go on vacation? We visit other people’s cubicles, just to get away from it all.

Hack bucks work, relax./Insurance salesmen’s the best/cubby. There’s whiskey.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack opines about the outdoors and whatever else comes to mind with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick to stick out in the bloggosphere, a.k.a. Crapland.

Crapland, cyberpit./Every idiot now blogs./Don’t steal haiku schtick.

Winter steelhead are starting to show their metallic heads throughout the middle and lower Rogue, part of Hack’s home waters. Gave it a whirl last week, only the high and muddy and cold water didin’t produce any steelhead.

Now back in the Fish Wrap trying to remember passwords and all the other erased intelligence that occurs when Hack’s gone for a week.

Hack’ll have to call the call center in India for help.

“What’s my password, bro?” /”Sorry, Sir, I don’t know ‘bro.’”/”"Just gimme the code.”

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BOOK IT! Friday: Last 3-Team Parlay of 2014 Keeps the Empties in the Garage Longer

Welcome to the last BOOK IT! Friday Fish Hack will be posting this year, which could still come out ahead for the season thanks to that 9-0 November run through Thanksgiving to make up for the piss-poor September that it was.

Hopefully you Steelhead Bums can hit a three-team parlay Sunday to stave off having to cash out that garage full of empties for fly-tying and gas money. But the rivers are pretty blown out right now anyway, so take note and make the call.

First, there’s New Orleans at Tampa Bay, with the Saints laying 4 points to a bad team just aching to get on the golf course. New Orleans has been one of the biggest disappointments to the 2014 regular season, and there’s a lot more pride on that time than the Jags. Look for Drew Breez to pad his stats in a win, even if it means a crappier draft choice come April.

Pittsburgh going to Cincy and laying four points looks like a cash for the Bengals, but the Steelhers have a lot more to play for than Cincy. Look for Big Ben to have another one of those monster days to get the cover, even if he doesn’t play much in the fourth quarter.

That leaves the marquee game of the day…Detroit at Green Bay. The spread’s been bet up to 9 points thanks to Detroit’s 23-year Wisconsin drought. But this defense is for real and the two-headed running back Bell/Bush will keep a gimpy Aaron Rodgers off the field Take the points.

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Big Water

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is sitting back watchin’ the river flow. And oh, does the Rogue flow.

This past storm was much heftier water-wise than expected.

Rogue blown out for days./Big flows into Lost Creek Lake./Rain-on-snow event.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

Warm, heavy rains after a snowfall is the recipe for all the big floods in Rogue Basin history, and they all seem to happen right around Christmas.

The last big one was in 1964. Read about it HERE.

The Corps of Engineers began the weekend expecting to juggle water releases so Lost Creek Lake rose no more than four feet. Well, it was at a haiku-worthy 16 feet higher and climbing Monday afternoon.

The Corps was releasing 4,000 cubic feet per second at 11:30 a.m., with plans to climb to 6,000 cfs by 5 p.m. But the lake’s still rising, with 21,333 cfs flowing into it at 11:30 a.m.

Rogue is pumping huge./Lots of water, mud, debris./Dam keeps flood in check.

The Rogue would be at flood-stage at Dodge Bridge had Lost Creek dam not shaved the peak off this-here event.

After the natural flow wanes, the Corps will have to release that extra stored water, likely dragging this-here event out deep into the Christmas dead week.

And that might be washing Fish Hack’s Steelhead Christmas right outta here.

Dreams of Christmas fish./Steelhead on a open fire./Jack Frost just nippin’.

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BOOK IT! Friday: Road Warriors That Cash

Welcome back to BOOK IT! Friday, where Fish Hack picks some NFL winners so you steelhead bums can put some cash in your pockets without returning that garage full of empties.

Had a bad weekend last week, but Fish Hack’s coming off the canvas with three road winners, something heard more often than usual this NFL season.

First, there’s Green Bay laying 10 points at Tampa Bay. The Packers haven’t played well this year on the road, and Tampa just hasn’t played well period. The Pack needs this game to make next week’s show-down at home with Detroit mean something. Lay the points.

Detroit travels to Chitown needing just what Green Bay needs…a road win to stay in the division hunt. Fish Hack layed the 4 1/2 points before the news leak that Jimmy Clausen is starting in place of Jay Cutler. That sent the line instantly to 7 points and look for that to climb even more before kickoff.

This ain’t Notre Dame, bro. Detroit covers.

And lastly, New England travels to the Meadowlands to sign that Rex Ryan going-away card. The Jets are getting 10 points, actually bet down from 11 by bettors who think the Hoodie will take his foot off the pedal and rest starters. Luckily, they need this win to stay ahead of Indy for the overall first seed in the AFC and both play in the morning round Sunday. Look for the Pats to keep it rolling with a double-digit win here, then tank it next week

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Steelhead Rumor Mill

Welcome to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack has his eyes aimed West in search of the first winter steelhead in the Rogue Valley this year.

A good slug of early winters usually mean a good run, and rumor has it that there were a slug of ‘em downstream of Rainie Falls before this last rain swelled the Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

Whackin’ winters rocks./Something new to play with close/No coast drive for Hack.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

Cuz in the bloggosphere corner of Cyber Crapland, you need a schtick to stick out.

Haiku schtick fits Hack/Lowbrow humor fits the bill./Still beats honest work.

So the rumors milling around Grants Pass is that the middle Rogue should start boiling with the first of the winter steelhead to hit the valley this year.

Water flows look like they should be bending rods around Ennis Riffle or Hog Creek as early as tomorrow as the Rogue starts to drop.

Pure steelhead knowledge:./River goes up, fish don’t bite./Always fish the drop.

Chances are, you won’t know what a good thing that will be.

One solid about winter steelhead on the Rogue is that an early run usually means a strong run.

Historically, on years the early run are late, it could be a good year or a bad year. But a good early showing usually means us steelhead bums will start playing that “working from home” or “sick kid” cards before Christmas.

 

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BOOK IT! Friday: Playing the Extremes

Welcome back to BOOK IT! Friday, where Fish Hack is laying out some NFL picks so you steelhead bums can turn a buck without having to clear the garage of empties.

Got two extremes for you Fish Heads on Sunday. Chances are the Rogue River, which is Hack’s home waters, will be pulling into steelheading shape around kickoff, so make those phone calls early.

First, there’s Jacksonville at Baltimore. The Ravens are 13 1/2-point faves and that’s a lot to lay. But remember, one of this year’s constants is that Baltimore beats up on bad teams, especially at home. Got those ingredients cookin’ here, so lay the points and watch the blowout commence.

Next is Oakland at K.C., where the Chiefs are 11 1/2-point faves. Oakland may be bad, but they are good against the number (4-2 against the spread on the road) and this is a rivalry game. Take those points and watch the field goal show.

BOOK IT!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On High Water and North Chick BBall

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is busy chasing Tax Deduction No. 2 and the rest of the North Medford High School girls varsity basketball team around Southern Oregon.

Rising water in the upper Rogue River made it easy to watch North whack Ashland on Friday, for first win of the season.

The Predator, aka TD#2, led all scorers with 18 in the comeback win.

My Mags: She’s the nuts/People call their dogs Maggie./Can dogs drop 18?

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack has waxed on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors or whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in. It’s the schtick that keeps on schticking.

Planned on steelhead fishing Friday but the upper Rogue River — Hack’s home waters — was on the rise. Tough steelheading in those conditions.

Hung out at the Ashland High gym to watch North sweep the other Bear Creek chicks in hoops.

Number 33/For North. She’s just a Freshman/But she’s Hack’s baller.

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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