HAIKU MONDAY: Day Late Cuz Hack is Officially Old

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is mailing this-here post in a day late cuz it just didn’t seem right to file on that half-century mark.

Fish Hack turns 50/OIfficial antiquity./Old, still immature.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry tossed in as the schtick that keeps on schticking.

The over-under on Hack once was 34, but blew the doors off that after Tax Deduction No. 1 came to be.

While some have wished a happy start to the second 50, Fish Hack is still good with burning a few off the back end to enjoy the current.

Rather have more fun at 50 than eking out an extra six months deep on the back-side.

Fifty’s the new 12./Act old and you’ve lost the game./In it to win it.

Gotta live by the almost wisdom of TD#1 at the state snowboarding championships last March in Bend.

Dude is doing the big-trick event. Hack asked him just before take-off if he’s got a plan.

The 16-year-old says he might do a monster front flip, which is a competition no-no.

“I’ll get DQ’d. but I’ll win the crowd.”

He kept it legit, but the lesson’s there: Just thinking unconventionally sometimes is a a way to stay real in an odd-dude’s world.

Don’t get Haiku Day?/Then it’s not written for you./Can’t laugh at yourself?

Had an impromptu birthday party Sunday night on a houseboat on Half of Lake Shasta, when many of Hack’s better Buds penned haiku after haiku about this persona.

Most were pretty good, if not spot-on.

Hack’s buds know the schtick/Use dumb poems to make your points/’Bout what needs slamming.

 

 

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Texas and Not-So-Honest Work

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is back in the saddle after a week in Texas hanging out in hotels and conference rooms as part of the Outdoor Writers Association of America.

Never spend more time indoors than with this crew.

Outdoor writer pals/Dress in camo for dinner./Can’t see audience.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some cheesy versions of Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the shtick.

Took three airplanes, a rental car and a mule to make it to McAllen Texas, the host for his year’s OWAA conference.

Quite the birding mecca. Stranagely, though, most of what we saw are stuff headed our way anyways.

Birding in Texas/Same egrets as Oregon/But different accent.

First thing Hack had to do once returning home was drink a real bottle of beer, a glass of real tap water and

Lone Star Staters drink/Thin beer ‘cuz their water sucks./But in your Fruit Loops?

Had a great time, though. Great to hang with old and new buds, Hack’s only true peers.

Fish for work? We do../So, it’s just not honest work./But work nonetheless.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Wild Springers and Haiku Inanity

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is honked off trying to do the nearly unthinkable — catch a fin-clipped Rogue River spring chinook.

Can’t seem to get a hatchery dog to run into Hack’s plugs or bait quite yet.

Breed back the biters./Clip their fins, don’t shut their mouths./Springers tough enough.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors,with a few forms of old Japaneze poetry sprinkled in as the shtick.

Seventeen syllables of inanity, thy name is Haiku.

Haikus aren’t for wimps/But they are for Fish Hack fans/All seven of them.

The early spring chinook bite has been pretty solid for the upper Rogue in mid-May, but it’s largely been a wild fish show.

Wild springers still haven’t rebounded enough to allow for Hack and others to turn their eyes into X’s, particularly the early-run ones.

Just as well. Hate to see the best salmon in the Northwest wink out because of the location and operation of Lost Creek dam.

Wild early-run springers are the biggest losers to the taming of the Rogue. Ironically, the explosion of fall chinook make them the basin’s well-documented biggest winners from the building of Lost Creek and Applegate dams.

So it looks like Fish Hack will have to save most of that blood lust for August and September, like usual.

August is for ‘nooks./Fall fish pay for springer’s shun./X’d-out eyes for you!

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HAIKU MONDAY: On First Fish and a Year’s Worth of Steelhead

Karen Lollis with her first fish, a Rogue steelhead

Welcome Back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is spending today where he normally spends other country’s co-opted national holidays.

At the Fish Wrap.

Cinco deMayo:/When Irish drink tequila/This one day a year.

For you Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors, with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

While Fish Hack won’t be sucking any limes today, Sunday did warrant a couple toasts.

Rookie fisher Karen Lollis of Medford waited all of 50 years to catch her first fish, a Rogue River steelhead caught Sunday on a plug.

Fought it like a champ and hubby Kevin Lollis netted it like the KTVL weathermaster that he is.

Then Karen decided to join the fishes. Fell in the river trying to get out of Fish Hack’s driftboat.

Fish Hack stayed in form by not helping, but chronicling the event.

Fish Hack ink-stained wretch./”She’s your wife. You help her up.”/This will make the blog..

Got both Lollises back in the boat without further incident, as they say on the crime beat.

While it wasn’t much of a steelhead, it was big in Fish Hack’s book because it was a May steelhead.

That means 12 straight months when Hack put a Rogue steelhead in the boat while fishing just a 15-mile stretch of the upper Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

It’s why Hack lives here:A year’s worth of Rogue steelhead./Take THAT, Nebraska.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On April Steelhead and a Chinook for the Houseboat

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack has 11 down and one to go in the quest to catch an adult steelhead each month for a year along one stretch of the Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

Drew McLemore of Medford put the hurt to a 26-inch winter recently, chalking April off Hack’s calendar that has a checkmark for steelhead every month since June.

Hack has May to go./Year-round steelhead on home stream./That’s why Hack lives here.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, along with some bad forms of old Japanese poetry sprinkled in as a schtick.

This-here year-round steelheading didn’t get rolling undil December, when Hack realized he put a steelhead in the driftboat every month since June, when the first summer steelhead of the season bent a plug rod.

Since then it’s been more plugs, worms, roe, pink worms, nymphs and streamers all taking care of business.

Steelhead bites galore./Rise to damn near everything./Steelhead come to play.

Gonna have to get out early May for a late winter to get that steelhead out of the way so Fish Hack can focus on turning the eyes into X’s on a few early hatchery spring chinook salmon.

Hatchery springer:/Need one for June’s house-hoat trip./It’s Hack’s bording fee.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Winter Steelhead in Shorts

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is planning on winter steelhead fishing in shorts this week. It’s the bizzaro flip-side to fishing for summer steelhead in two layers of fleece in January.

It’s just part of the glory that is steelhead fishing in the upper Rogue River, Fish Hack’s home waters.

Catch winters in spring/Find summers in the winter./Whacky Rogue steelhead.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazulian style about the outdoors and whatever else flies onto the keyboard, with the only real thought being in the counting of syllables to make these stupid haiku’s pencil out.

Haiku math is rough./Seventeen syllables hurt/Hack’s brain. Insert joke.

The upper Rogue is hitting its peak for winter steelhead fishing just as the weather threatens to hit 80 degrees.

That’s the thing when you have a river of year-round steelhead fishing.

Hack’s on pace to prove it. Put at least one steelhead in my driftboat each month since June. Two more to go.

The April fish should come easily. It’s the May steelhead that has Hack worried about coming up short on the year-round steelhead gig.

One steelhead in May:/If Hack had a soul, it’s sold/For year-round steelhead.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Monthly Steelhead, Rogue Flows and a New Schtick

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is waiting out this-here short storm to get back on the upper Rogue and get that April steelhead.

Then it will be 11 straight months of catching at least one stelhead on the same 20-mile stretch of the Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

The year of steelhead/Best river fish, every month./That’s why Hack lives here.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with some bad versions of old Japanese poetry sprinklked in as the shtick.

Hack’s new stchick, though, is to catch a Rogue steelhead on the same river stretch for 12 consecutive months. Picked a good year to do it.

The upper Rogue’s winter steelhead run to date has been one of the better over the 2000s. Just how good? Friday’s Oregon Outdoors will tell you.

That-there’s called a “tease.”/Prep you to read it Friday./Get more clicks, baby!

The good thing about the on-going storm moving through the Rogue Valley today is it won’t blow out the upper Rogue like Friday night’s storm did. Flows at Dodge will stay under 4,000 cfs, but be wary of dirty water in the morning. Flows from Lost Creek Lake are remaining at just 1,400 cfs, so there’s far more trib water in the Rogue than clean reservoir water.

Love that clean water./That’s why we still have steelhead./Keeps Hack here, employed.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On French-Kissing Steelhead, Yarn Balls and Eggs

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack finally got that other form of March Madness out of the way without having to rely on Mercer to win and the Shockers to tap out.

Got that March steelhead caught Sunday on the upper Rogue River, Hack’s home waters.

That’s 10 straight months of catching at least one steelhead on those hallowed home waters. 

French kiss that yarn ball/Steelhead takes bait, streak alive./Ten down, two to go.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with a few forms of bad Japanese poetry sprinkled in as the schtick.

And don’t poach the schtick./Bloggers, find your own dumb tricks/Not “Haiku Tuesday.”

While other online dopes are munching on their March Madness brackets, let’s just say Fish Hack still has his Final Four intact. That egg on the cheeks of pundits who picked Creighton and Duke is starting to smell much like Fish Hack’s bait fridge.

Picking the Final Four is easier than figuring out how to get those last two months of a steelheader’s year filled while fishing strictly on the company’s dime.

Remember, Fish Hack has caught a steelhead on his home waters every month since June. Catching steelhead year-round in Hack’s back yard is why I’m in my 26th year underachieving at this-here Fish Wrap.

The fact that Hack’s virtually unemployable elsewhere is true, but irrelevant.

Because one man’s hiring freeze is another man’s job security.

Can’t fire Fish Hack/If you can’t replace the dude./Jobbing the job? Course.

Figure on a late-run winter steelhead in early April, and an early-run summer steelhead in late May.

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HAIKU MONDAY: On Big Flows and a Dropping Rogue

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack will be busy working on the MM bracket to win some coin off a few Dudes in the MT Sports Department.

They hate it when Hack schools them on their own games.

Sports guys hate to lose/Money on games they cover./Like Hack gone fish-less.

For those of you who fought high water on the Rogue River to get steelhead this past weekend, it would have helped to wait.

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers tells Hack this morning that they started dialing down the flows ou ot Lost Creek Lake, which had been a rip-roarin’ 3,800 cubic feet per second since early last week. With the reservoir levels back under control, the Corps will drop the releases to 2,900 cfs by Wednesday morning, making for some good fishing this week on the upper Rogue, Hack’s home waters.

Corps drops flow, fish move/Easier for Hack to hook/Big winter steelhead.

 

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind. The bad versions of old Japanese poetry is just the schtick that keeps on schticking.

 

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HAIKU MONDAY: On High-Water Steelhead and Turkey Vulture Hygiene

Welcome back to Haiku Monday, where Fish Hack is watching those stream gauges to figure out when it’s time to truth-test the tips Hack tossed your way about high-water steelhead fishing in Friday’s Fish Wrap.

Miissed it? Read the rag./Hack shows how to rock the Rogue/Click on the piece HERE.

For you few Haiku Monday virgins out there, this is when and where Fish Hack waxes on and off non-Brazilian style about the outdoors and whatever the hell else comes to mind, with a few versions of bad Japanese poetry tossed in as the schtick.

Floated the upper Rogue for steelhead Sunday and Fish Hack was able to say happy 2014 to two returnees.

Spied the first osprey of the season, followed shortly by the first turkey vulture of the year.

Two birds signs of spring./Osprey, vultures rock the Rogue/Nice to hear that screech.

While ospreys are a signature Rogue bird, the turkey vulture still ranks at the top of Fish Hack’s list of fave river birds.

Hack adores vultures./Professional courtesy/Hack, bird much alike.

Pariahs, a bit lazy and not really willing to work for its food are obvious shared qualities.

But Hack’s a big fan for something else.

It’s a little-known fact that turkey vultures have a unique version of air conditioning when it gets too hot out there.

The actually pee down their legs to cool them off and to kill bacteria.

Ah, the power of piss.

Those who don’t believe Hack can check it out HERE.

Those who do? Well, it’s probably because you’ve probably already read the “Ode to the Vulture.”

Eat dead fish by morn./Dribble down to your talons./Just because you can.

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  • Blog Author

    Mark Freeman

    I've underachieved as the Mail Tribune's Fish Hack since 1989. I can't help but find a few things to yuk about with pathetic regularity in the outdoors. My most treasured award? An OSHA citation for a messy desk -- Fire hazard. YEAH! Read Full
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