Even in unintentional comedy, timing is everything

I bought 8-tracks instead of cassettes, and an Apple IIe instead of a Mac. I’ve owned a Chevy Chevette, a Renault Alliance and three different Saturns. Heck, I was one of six people who thought AfterM*A*S*H was going to be a hit.

So, why not start a blog in the same week that a study comes out saying that the young’uns are turning toward shorter forms of communication? I should get onto Twitter at about the point we have chips implanted at birth that allow us to communicate through blinking.

We’re not going to re-invent the wheel here. For one thing, we ain’t got no wheel. For another, I suspect much of the thinking I do about pop culture is stuff that’s floated through your thought stream at one point in time. Or, in the case of “Lost,” at two points in time at the same time. 

So, here we go:

The five actresses nominated this week for the Best Actress Oscar have combined for 23 nominations between them. That would make it a star-studded field if Meryl Streep didn’t have 16 of the 23 by herself. I’d like to see Streep win Academy Award No. 3, if only to break out of the tie she’s in with Hilary Swank, Louise Rainier and Sally Field, among others. It’s been 27 years since her last Oscar (presented by, of all people, Sylvester Stallone — her future co-star in “Antz“), and as much as Sandra Bullock seems the sort of person you want nice things to happen to, a Streep win would be worth it just to hear her say “Okay, that’s enough. Stop nominating me already.”

They recorded a remake of “We Are the World” for Haitian relief efforts this week and, two days later, Jon Stewart and Bill O’Reilly made nice in an interview on the FOX News Channel. Next thing you know, Leno, Letterman and O’Brien will be starring in the film version of “Two And A Half Men.”

In G-Spot Research news (and, right now, I’m betting you didn’t realize there was G-Spot Research news), a battle has erupted between the British and the French. According to a story from the AOL News Web site, the British claim a faulty testing procedure has forced them to doubt their findings that the sensual Bigfoot doesn’t exist. French scientists added insult to injury, saying the study was flawed because all the test subjects were British. 

Speaking of condiments, Heinz has announced a breakthrough in ketchup technology … packets that can either be squeezed or used as a dipping cup. I have no joke for this, just wanted to pass along that The Associated Press found it worth a 20-inch story, never mentioning that the good folks at Heinz had never eaten a chicken nugget with sauce.

The dippable ketchup packet.

In music news, a court has found that the Australian pop rock band Men at Work copied the melody of a 70-year-old campfire song for its 1980s hit “Down Under,” freeing us from the obligation to mention “Men at Work” again until the 2020s.

A start-up company called Kwedit (yup, it’s that precious, based on the novel Pwush, by Sapphwire) wants to give teenagers “virtual credit” so that they can buy virtual products for game-playing use in virtual worlds. When we wre kids we sold cans of “Fresh Air.” The more things change …

Finally, it’s Super Bowl week, which means … well, not a whole heckuva lot, except that you would be well-advised not to attempt taking a shower at halftime. Studies show that more toilets are flushed at halftime of the Super Bowl than at any other single moment of the year, causing severe water pressure problems.

 The game? New Orleans, of course. A victory party down Bourbon Street would be the most amazing spectacle since … ummm, since last Saturday night on Bourbon Street.