I’m not kidding. There are things you might not want to know and, frankly, things I wish I didn’t know. And some of those will be revealed over the next few paragraphs. So, if you’re the squeamish type, I’ll understand it if you decide to move along. Thanks for the page hit; we’ll catch up later.
It used to be that in order to hear about … well, for lack of a better word … icky stuff, you’d have to get an Afterschool Special or a Movie of the Week. Some medical disorder never discussed by Marcus Welby or afflicting any of The Waltons would be contained to a lovely two-hour block of TV time that, if you chose to, you could ignore.
Take, for instance, the 1976 film “The Loneliest Runner.” Written, directed by, produced by and co-starring Michael Landon, the TV film told the story of a teen who grows up to become an Olympic runner. Safe enough, right? HA! The reason the boy becomes a star athlete is that he’d run home from school every day because his mother would hang his bedsheets out the window of their home every time he wet the bed. Landon, to his credit, said it was a story born from his own experiences.
And while the movie helped humanize the trauma, it broke open the door to what could be talked about on TV. Daytime talk shows, of course, routinely include material so seemingly private as to make bed-wetting seem quaint. Athletes and presidential candidates have made commercials about the benefits of pills to counteract erectile dysfunction.
Name a body part and — at some point during the day — you more than likely can find a commercial, talk show or sitcom discussing what spews from it. One infomercial for a colon-cleaning supplement details the final days of John Wayne. … Don’t ask. … Really, don’t.
Now this isn’t to say that earwax and bellybutton lint (and more severe issues) aren’t important to know about or, at times, in need of appropriate treatment. Of course they are. And maybe this sounds a tad too puritanical or old-fashioned or stigma-bound, but … there really ARE some things we’d rather not hit us smack in the face on our widescreens at dinnertime.
The latest incarnation of this phenomenon comes courtesy of Whoopi Goldberg, who is now the spokeswoman for something know as LBL … “light bladder leakage.” In commercials and a series of short, humorous videos on the “1 in 3 Like Me” Web site, the Oscar-winning co-host of “The View” bonds with those who suffer from the condition while donning the charcaters of Eve, the Statue Of Liberty, Lady Godiva and others. Although the concept of the Statue of Liberty being afflicted by such problems takes some imagination to envision.
The Web site dispenses advice, both medical and personal, includes testimonials from women whose lives have been affected by LBL, and links to products that can help deal with the condition. All of which is well, and good, and necessary.
At the same time, it further breaks down the fourth wall between those who entertain us and the messy realities of life. Our loss, and our gain.
