Twist … and shout (Spoiler Alert)

Warning: At the end of this blog entry, the much-talked about, soon-to-be much-debated ending to the newly released film “Remember Me” will be revealed.

Honest, I’m not kidding. So, if you’re one of those folks who a) were planning to see “Remember Me,” or b) hate having movie spoilers revealed, or c) can’t resist temptation when someone tells you not to look, or d) all of the above, STOP READING NOW. Thanks for visiting, here are some fun pictures of dogs.

Personally, I enjoy spoilers. The bigger the secret in a movie or TV show, the more I’m likely to scan the Internet to discover it. Right now, if someone sent me the ending to the final season of “Lost,” I’d be there faster than a Kardashian seeking attention. And no, knowing that the Titantic sinks or that Bruce Willis was dead all along doesn’t spoil the fun. According to the bumper sticker, “Life’s in the journey, not the destination.”

Thanks to the Web, movie secrets are a thing of the past. Heck, thanks to filmsite.org, even the surprises of the past can be discovered, alphabetically, from Adaptation to Young Sherlock Holmes. When I started hearing buzz that “Remember Me” has a doozy of a disturbing ending (and, honest, it does), I went to themoviespoiler.com, which solicits fan-written plot summaries for current releases. Alas, it wasn’t there … yet.

I have, however, seen references to the ending of “Remember Me” being “crazy,” “shocking,” “disturbing,” “disgusting” and “the most offensive of the year.” Now THAT, boys and girls, is a secret worth sharing!

THIS WON'T END WELL: Robert Pattinson and Emilie da Ravin in "Remember Me."But first, a quick synopsis: “Remember Me” stars “Twilight” heartthrob Robert Pattinson and Emilie de Ravin of “Lost” (which should have been a hint that something was amiss) as starcrossed, would-be lovers whose fathers (Pierce Brosnan and Chris Cooper, respectively) disapprove. We’ve seen this story before … heck, many of us have LIVED THROUGH this story before.

And as anyone who’s ever seen “Romeo and Juliet” can predict, things won’t go smoothly or end well. But what would be so crazy or shocking or disturbing or offensive about yet another take on Shakespeare? … Perhaps Pattinson finds out that dear old dad — a New York City business mogul — has had an affair with the girl he loves? Nah, it’s been more than 40 years since “The Graduate” put us through that.

It would be disturbing if we discover that the characters of Pattinson and de Ravin were actually step-siblings … but such things are as old as Greek tragedy and a new as last week’s soap operas. What in the world could really be so unexpected as to sicken the stomachs of audience members, and send critics to new lengths of incredulity?

Well, I’ll tell you … and HERE, honestly, is your final warning. If you don’t want to know, leave now. (Don’t like dogs? Here are some cats.)

On the final morning of the film, Pattinson heads to his father’s office building on a crisp, autumnal day, where we learn that the film has not been taking place in the present, but in the past. To be precise, in the year 2001 … in September … on the 11th.

Yup. …At the end of this young-lovers melodrama, our protagonist looks out the window of his father’s office and sees the first of the 9/11 planes headed straight for him. There might not be a shower long enough to wash the gall off the filmmakers. Main characters die in a lot of movies; it might have worked in this one. There are many ways to deal with the random nature of mortality. But to make it be “about” 9/11, without addressing 9/11 itself is … well, a lot of adjectives that apply.

Roger Ebert, who liked most of the movie, says the ending “tries to borrow profound meaning, but succeeds only in upstaging itself so overwhelmingly that its characters become irrelevant.” The Boston Globe was less kind, suggesting the ending “crassly repurposes tragedy to excuse its cliches.”

Neither review reveals the ending, which seems fair given their roles as critics. I’m under no such restrictions. One of the reasons I like spoiler information is for times such as this … when it can keep me from spending money on something like “Remember Me.” How you spend your money is up to you.

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    Robert Galvin

    Robert Galvin has been with the Mail Tribune since 1999. When he's not writing this blog about pop culture, or his weekly television column (The Little White Dot) for ... Read Full
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