One of the great guilty pleasures in life is the celebrity autobiography. … Not to READ, mind you; just to look at on a store shelf, or in a bargain bin, or beneath the short leg of a coffee table.
Friends once gave me an autographed copy of “Accordian Man,” the celebrity memoir of Myron Floren, for so many years the musical mainstay of “The Lawrence Welk Show.” I never read a page of it, but it remained a cherished gift until the day it disappeared during a move from one place to another.
For every celebrity autobiography that might hold our interest, there are dozens that are … well … just there. “Vicki!: The True-Life Adventures of Miss Fireball” tells the story of Vicki Lawrence — co-star of “The Carol Burnett Show,” singer of “The Night The LIghts Went Out In Georgia” and, apparently, Miss Fireball. Burnett herself has a couple on the shelves, including this year’s show business memoir “This Time Together: Laughter and Reflection.”
Now, Carol Burnett is a certified legend, and her stories about her terrific career might well be worth the reading (or listening to her read on an audiobook). But, really, wouldn’t you rather have the memoir of Vicki Lawrence (or Myron Floren) on your shelf?
News releases over the past week or so tell us that we can expect memoirs shortly from Barbara Eden, Rob Lowe, Demi Moore and Ellen DeGeneres … although all pale in comparison to the recently published autobiography from Alison Arngrim.
You know, the dastardly Nellie Oleson on “Little House on the Prairie.” Arngrim, at least, has a sense of good cheer about her place in history, and has titled her tell-all “Confessions Of A Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson And Learned To Love Being Hated.” Now, THAT is a book to own.
Still, the reigning queen of the celebrity memoir is Tori Spelling … or should we say, ”The New York Times No. 1 Best-Selling Author” Tori Spelling? The daughter of legendary TV mogul Aaron Spelling, former castmate of the original “Beverly Hills 90210″ and star of a TV movie with one of the greatest titles of all-time (“Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?”), Spelling is releasing “unchartered terriTORI.”
It’s the 37-year-old’s third autobiography, following “sTORI telling” and ”Mommywood,” and reportedly will spill all the gossip about, well, what it’s like to have your career reduced to writing books about what your career has been reduced to.
I won’t read it, but TORI might look nice between Myron and Vicki.
